If you’ve ever caught yourself mid-scroll and thought, “Do I need to quit social media?” This episode is for you. Taylor’s joined by her friend and business bestie, Amelia Hruby, PhD. Together, they explore:
Even if quitting social media isn’t in the cards for you, you’ll get questions to ask yourself to reevaluate your relationship with social!
Mentioned in episode
Meet today’s guest
Amelia Hruby is a writer, educator and podcaster with a PhD in philosophy from DePaul University. Over the past decade, she’s been a university professor, a community organizer, and a radio DJ. Now, she is the founder and executive producer of Softer Sounds, a feminist podcast studio that supports women and nonbinary small business owners in creating purposeful, powerful podcasts. Since leaving social media in April 2021, she’s also launched Off the Grid, a podcast about leaving social media without losing all your clients. On the show she interviews business leaders and former influencers, and shares stories, strategies and experiments for growing your business with radical generosity and energetic sovereignty.
Connect with Amelia Hruby
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
You're listening to Inner Warmup. I'm your host, Taylor Elyse Morrison, founder and author of Inner Workout, ICF certified coach, and fellow journeyer. In 2017, I set out to build a life that didn't burn me out, and I found my life's work in the process. On Inner Warmup, we talk about how self-care and inner work show up in your relationships, your career, your schedule, and then the conversations you have with yourself. We get practical, we get nuanced, and we're not afraid to challenge wellness as usual. So take a deep breath and get curious. This is where your inner work begins. Today's guest is a return guest and a dear friend.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Amelia Hruby is a writer, educator, and podcaster with a PhD in philosophy. She's the founder of Softer Sounds, a feminist podcast studio for entrepreneurs and creatives, and she's the host of Off the Grid, a podcast about leaving social media without losing all your clients. In this episode, Amelia shares how her relationship to social media changed over the years as her career shifted and the algorithm shifted too, the exact steps she took to sign off for good and build a thriving life and business offline, and we've got lots of reflection questions that you can use to reset your relationship to social media. Amelia, I'm so glad to have you on the show, again.
Amelia Hruby:
What a treat to be here. Thanks, Taylor.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
So, we are going to hop right into this. I am sure people are gonna be so curious after hearing the intro because a lot of people I've heard this in real life conversations.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I've heard this in virtual things with the Inner Workout community. Lots of people will say I have a love-hate relationship with social media. Specifically, I hear that around Instagram and TikTok. And then they're still liking your story or liking your post and all those things. But you are a person who I did have conversations with about having a love-hate relationship with social media, and then you actually peaced out. So I want to bring people along on that journey. Let's go back to before you signed off when everything still felt social on social media. What was your relationship to social at the beginning?
Amelia Hruby:
Yeah, so I remember very clearly when I was in high school, and I went to a boarding school for my junior and senior year. And when I did that, I got a .edu email address, and that was so exciting because it meant that I could join Facebook. Because this would have been like 2007 when you couldn't join Facebook without an EDU email because it was still so university focused. So those are my earliest social media days. Like, take it all the way back to getting onto Facebook and connecting with friends there, flirting with boys there. Like, it was all about, like, the profile pic and, like, poking people and all of this stuff that no one does on social media anymore. And then fast forward to more like 2011, and I got on Instagram. And at that point in time, I was really there to share what I was up to, to connect with my friends, to see what people were doing.
Amelia Hruby:
And I loved keeping up with people through social media, especially because I traveled a lot. I had friends all over the country and even the world at that point. And it was honestly just joyful to have these windows into everyone's lives and to see what they were up to and what they were doing. And, you know, I think for many of us, that is something that we either miss or still enjoy about social media.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. Okay. So social media was this joyful window into other people's lives. And I would guess that if it had stayed that way, you would still be on social media right now. So what changed about your relationship to social media?
Amelia Hruby:
I think it was two-fold. I would say, actually, it's like what changed about my relationship and what changed about social media platforms themselves. So for me, there was a really big shift where I kind of shifted from sharing really personal content about my day to day life to sharing, I guess, content itself. Like, things I was writing and doing that I hoped people would see and take an action from, like, subscribe to my email newsletter or come to an event that I was leading or co-hosting in Chicago or, you know, go read my blog post. Like, that was a really big shift from social media, particularly Instagram, being a place where I was just sharing to keep people updated and invited into my world versus being a place where I was showing up to ask people to do something with or for me. And that was a really big change. Throughout that change, we saw a lot of changes on Instagram specifically. The shift from a chronological feed to an algorithmically driven feed.
Amelia Hruby:
We saw the introduction of ads. We saw the introduction of much more sophisticated tracking across all meta platforms and the Internet at large. And so I think that as my behaviors were changing, the app was changing or reciprocally, like, as the app was changing, my behaviors were changing. And that all gets kind of caught up in the same story of my journey and, like, enjoyment of or frustration with the app. It's hard to disentangle those two things.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
That makes perfect sense. It's also, like, giving me flashbacks where I'm like, oh, yeah. It used to be chronological. And I can remember, like, Instagram feed because I wasn't following that many people, and not that many people had posted that day. And then, I mean, that makes Facebook and Meta less money because I could be like, oh, I'm satisfied. I'm done. So, yeah, just a reminder that it has changed so much. And then you mentioned for you that, like, you started sharing a lot more of what you were up to in the world. If you were to give this part of, like, your social media era, I guess, if you were to give it a title, what would that be called?
Amelia Hruby:
I wish that I had something, like, catchy and fun, but I really feel like I just went from being a user of social media to being more of a content creator and influencer on social media, and then to being someone who is off social media. Like, that was kind of the arc of the journey. So it went from, you know, I was just a user by which I mean, I, like, looked at what my friends did and occasionally posted my own stuff. And then I had this period of time where I was really focused on creating content, which again for me has to do with that. Like, I'm making something I want people to act on. And then also, I did some influencing. I worked with a couple brands primarily through affiliate deals where, like, they would provide product and I would share links, and I got paid to co-host an Instagram live with you for a brand once and things like that. So I was kind of in my micro-influencer era. So I'm sure at this point, people are like, how many followers did you have? At my peak, it was just around 3,000. So it was never any of the heights that many people reach or that I think are really required to be a full-time influencer, but that is what I was doing. I had a lot of those behaviors.
Amelia Hruby:
I was making recommendations, and I was sharing things I was creating and selling things I was creating. And, eventually, I got a book deal, and that's where everything started to change.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. I'm of 2 minds because this episode is about getting off of social media in general. So I don't wanna be like, here's this inspirational part. But I do think it's worth calling out that, like, you were able to do a lot with not necessarily a ton of followers. And I think people forget that for those who listen to this and at the end of the episode, still decide that they want to be on social media. Like, there's a lot of artificial metrics that we impose on ourselves and sometimes that external systems, like, we're about to talk about. Like, a publisher, these things may impose on us. But, also, like, you can make affiliate sales and get brand deals and not have to have a ton of followers. But we know for you that this journey ultimately ends and you getting off of social media. So let's pick up on the book deal. What about that started to usher you into a different era of your relationship to social?
Amelia Hruby:
I got my book deal in a really, like, lovely, funny Internet magic kind of way. I had been hosting a podcast called 50 feminist states, and my editor had been tasked with finding podcasters to do book deals with to or I guess create books with do book deals. Write books.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Just do book deals. That's what's on their to do list.
Amelia Hruby:
Just yeah. Obviously, I'm really not in publishing anymore. My editor ended up on Kickstarter where I was hosting a Kickstarter campaign to fund the second season of my podcast. That led her to my website where she found that I had self published a book called 50 Feminist Mantras, which was created from an Instagram series I had done called Feminist Mantra Monday. So every Monday for a year, I posted a mantra with an explanation of how this kind of applied to feminist values or political things happening in the world. And at the end of that year, I compiled them all into a book. I self published it.
Amelia Hruby:
I sold it on my website for a while, and it kinda wasn't doing anything. And then my editor, Charlie, found it, reached out to me, and asked if I'd be interested in publishing it with Andrews McNeil. So that happened. I was thrilled. Getting a book deal was like a lifelong dream and it felt like it had just happened for me. And when that happened, I started to feel that external pressure that you're talking about. What everyone said to me, whether it be the editorial team, my agents, my random people I talked to about how to make a book do well, everyone said you need a bigger platform. And where was I most active? I was most active on Instagram, so that's where I went to build a platform.
Amelia Hruby:
So I spent money on a social media strategist, on a new website for myself, on new photos, new branding to use on social media. I invested a lot of money and even more time into a content strategy for this book. So there was about a year between when I signed the book deal and when the book was released, and I spent that whole time really actively intentionally trying to build my social media following. I did not pay for any ads, so it was only organic growth. And I was growing at a rate of about a 100 new followers a month. So I kind of went from, I think, 1200 followers to about 2400 followers by the time my book launched. And really that period, I was all in. And then the book launched, and it did okay, but not great.
Amelia Hruby:
All in all, I sold about 3,000 books, which is great. I mean, that's about as many Instagram followers that I had, which is funny. But when I was done with the book launch and I kinda looked around, what I realized is I had just invested so much time, money, and energy into this platform that I really didn't think was giving me any returns and not only was I not getting a return, it actually felt like it was causing harm to my creative practice and spirit, and that was the beginning of my decision to leave.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Thank you for sharing that. And I Amelia and I are good friends. We've been through this journey together. When I got my book deal, Amelia was one of the first people I talked to because I got it in kind of a similar way where, like, someone reached out to me, and I'm like, oh my gosh. What is happening? And I received a lot of the same messaging around needing to grow your audience, needing to grow your platform, and also have shared some of the ambivalence that you hinted at and are will hopefully share more about your relationship to social media.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I think right now, we're talking about it in the context of being an influencer and books and trying to have a business as well. There's a lot and this happens all the time now when I am mentoring business owners and their first thing they wanna talk about is social media. And I'm like, maybe we don't have to start there, but it's the messaging that we receive. It's also on the surface, it seems like one of the easiest places to start because it's theoretically free, even though you've just told us it ended up costing you money to do all the things right for social media. It also ended up costing you in terms of your creative process. I'm wondering if you could share a little bit more about the impacts and specifically the negative impacts that social media started to have on your creative process and even on your mental health?
Amelia Hruby:
I think that social media impacted me in so many ways. And I certainly experienced things that I hear other people talk about a lot, like the compare and despair cycle, right, where we're presented with so many images of other people doing these things that we desire or dream of, and it's very challenging not to compare ourselves to them and then despair about how we're in a different place, so we're not there yet, or we may never get there wherever there may be. I also experienced many of the addictive qualities of the apps.
Amelia Hruby:
I, at my peak, was probably on social media for about 6 hours a day, especially through the book launch. I'm sure that number could have been higher. I wasn't actively tracking, but I was on Instagram a lot. Creating content, engaging, scrolling, doing all of it, and I really struggled to get off of it. I definitely felt addicted to those rushes of dopamine and staying up with what everyone was doing and all of this. So I'd say those are definitely two negative impacts on my mental health. I also think that creatively, it made it really hard for me to be in touch with my own ideas and with the things that I really wanted to create. I felt much more beholden to what everyone else was doing, and I felt much more beholden to being on trend or being part of a conversation.
Amelia Hruby:
And I don't have anything against being on trend or part of a conversation, but I don't necessarily want that to be the starting point for all of my creative endeavors. Right? I I want my work to be in conversation with what's happening in the world, but I also want it to be in conversation with what's happening inside of me. And I think that on social media, I really struggled to pull back from everyone else's thoughts, opinions, and ideas, and into my own vision for my life and for the future. I wanna co-create with the communities I am a part of. And I also eventually noticed that I had gotten into a really anxiously attached co-dependent relationship with Instagram, and that really became my breaking point.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Can you say more what you mean by that?
Amelia Hruby:
Yeah. So by anxious attachment, I mean that I was checking the app so many times a day. I was always afraid something was happening there that I was missing or that if I didn't check-in, things would fall apart at any moment.
Amelia Hruby:
Like, I needed to always be present almost as a form of trying to control what was happening in my own relationship to it. That's typically how my anxious attachment shows up. I can't stop checking. It's very compulsive through an effort for controlling. Not that I think I can control other people, but it's like if I'm there, then nothing can go wrong as long as I'm there. It's kind of what's happening in my internal story. And then the co-dependency was a lot of me in relationship to the algorithm just thinking like, if I just do it exactly right, if I can just anticipate every single thing the algorithm wants and needs from me, I can do it just right and then this will be successful. And that's a pattern that has shown up in many relationships with other people in my life and something I went to a lot of therapy to try to work through and still work through on a daily basis.
Amelia Hruby:
And when I realized that was the relationship I was in with this app, that was the moment when I was like, oh, I have to get out of here. I am not really willing to go to therapy about my relationship with Instagram. No judgment if people do, like, please do. We should all talk to our therapist about everything we're struggling with. But I just had this clear moment where I was like, oh my gosh. This is so parallel. I have the tools to break free from this and I can do that and I'm going to. So that was a big it's kinda like Aha moment and shift for me and how it impacted me negatively and and why I eventually decided to leave.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. And I'm curious how long was that time period between when you started to know, like, this isn't exactly feeling great for me, to when you said, I'm serious about this. I need to get off the app.
Amelia Hruby:
I think it was about 3 to 4 months between it's not feeling great and I need to leave, and then another 3 to 4 months between I'm telling people I'm leaving and when I actually left. So I'd say the whole process was probably 6 to 8 months in total. I think another piece of this that I just wanna be really honest about is, like, part of the reason I left is because it wasn't working. Like, the reason I got so co-dependent is because I just thought if I could get it right, I would be successful. I would, like, get the followers.
Amelia Hruby:
I would go viral or whatever I was, you know, dreaming of, whatever success means on those platforms, what it meant to me. And, frankly, like, I just failed at that. Like, it didn't work. And I really part of my leaving process, I had to reckon with that for myself. Like, what do I want? Am I trying to be Internet famous? It's not happening here. So I think that that was a piece of it. I had this kinda tough conversation with myself of what do you really want? What are you really spending this time for? And, like, do you think you're gonna achieve that here? And I always say every Aries sun at least wants to be famous at least a little bit, and I did. I wanted to be famous, and it didn't work. And so that also, like, just sitting in the sort of rubble of that gave me a lot of freedom to just be like, okay. I don't have to keep doing this.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
You mentioned that there was some time between, like, okay. I'm getting off the app and it wasn't a cold turkey situation. You had a wind down process. Can you tell us what the steps were that you took to get off of social media?
Amelia Hruby:
I want to say from the outset that everyone's journey off social media is different. And something I say a lot on my podcast Off The Grid is like, don't ghost your followers. But, you know, that's just business advice.
Amelia Hruby:
I think personally, if you wanna get off the app, do whatever you want. Like, log out one day and never log back in again. Spend a whole year slowly detaching. Like, I think there are many paths away from social media platforms. For me, the process really started by writing this very long list of my Instagram boundaries. That was actually what initially queued off for me. Like, oh, if I need this many boundaries, there's co-dependency here. And so it started with that, and then I had that realization and decided to leave, and I shared an announcement about that.
Amelia Hruby:
So I made a post that I'd be leaving on my 30th birthday, and I had given my twenties to this app, and I was not gonna give my thirties to this app. So I shared that, I believe, in January or February of 2021. And then I was sharing more about that decision for the next 2 months and talking really publicly about why I had decided to leave. I created a list of 100 ways that I was gonna share my work and my life off social media to try to give myself a really expansive sense of the possibilities for sharing and connecting without this app being Instagram or these apps in general because I also left Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, all of them. I don't use any social media apps at this point with perhaps an exception for LinkedIn, which is definitely becoming social media and making me wonder if I need to leave it. But there were just many stages of that process. I did a really great Instagram Live with a friend of mine, Anna Schink, about self-care off of social media. I talked to a lot of people in that process.
Amelia Hruby:
I shared about it consistently. I pointed people to my newsletter. I said every single time I posted it, it was like, you wanna keep hearing from me, join my email list. Join my email list. Join my email list. And then I ended up logging off on April 9th, which was just over a week before my birthday. And I, you know, archived a bunch of posts, put up a story highlight that I wasn't there anymore, changed my bio to make that clear, and then I logged off and haven't really gotten back on since. I'm sure if somebody wanted to fact check me, they could find something I did in the meantime, but it's definitely not something that I think about or a place that I am present at this point in time.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Thank you for sharing that. I think for some people who are listening, that is inspirational. For some people, they're listening and that is like, oof, this is not for me. I could not do that. I could not log off in that way. Now we are I mean, we're about a month out from your birthday. So how many years will it have been since you have had that log off?
Amelia Hruby:
Three years since I left.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
And what does your life and also your business, because you started a business after logging off social media, what do they look like without social media as like the connective tissue for your relationships, but also without social media being the main way that you're driving growth in your business?
Amelia Hruby:
On a personal level, I would say that there were many layers to leaving social media. When I left Instagram, I definitely shed or lost many layers of parasocial relationships. And to be my friend, you have to be in direct contact with me at this point, which is this funny thing to say. I'm like, it's not that radical. We're friends, so we talk. But, also, it's, like, really radical to be like, where if you wanna be my friend, you have to actually talk to me. You can't just, like it cannot all be mediated through random things I'm sharing in stories. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I miss many of my parasocial relationships.
Amelia Hruby:
It's just that there is a limited bandwidth we have for how many people we can keep up with and talk to directly at any given time. And so my personal circles have kind of shrunk down to that number because I'm not cultivating such, like, a parasocial presence or, like, a personal brand presence online. And it's been interesting to see what life is like when it's not mediated by my personal brand. And sometimes, I'll be honest, I meet new people and I'm like, oh, I don't wanna explain to you everything I do. Like, why haven't you read my website? You know, it's like, in the past, they would have just known all of this because we were on Instagram. Like, people encountered me there first, and then when I actually met them, they already knew all this stuff about me, and now that's not the case. Actually, I have to like introduce myself and tell them things or not tell them, which is also sometimes very freeing. People don't come to me with this information, but also they don't arrive with these preconceptions based on something they've seen on social media.
Amelia Hruby:
So I think there's a both and there. And then in my business, I left social media in April of 2021, and I left the job I was working in June of that year, and then I spent the summer incubating a new business. And I launched Softer Sounds Podcast Studio that fall, and the business was always very intentionally not present on social media and has grown through word-of-mouth and through other marketing that I do via email, via podcasts, and through relationships. Quite honestly, that's been the primary way that it's grown. And I think that's been very possible because I run a service based business. You know, I don't need more than a dozen or 2 dozen clients at any given time. Again, it's like it's at the scale of 1 on 1 relationships that I can maintain. And all of that said, it's also an interesting because now shortly after I launched the business or about about a year after I left social media, I launched my podcast Off The Grid, leaving social media without losing all your clients.
Amelia Hruby:
And through the podcast, I've now cultivated all these parasocial relationships again. Now there are hundreds or even thousands of people that listen to the show and know me through that lens. And it's been just really a journey to kind of re-enter the sphere of creating, influencing, public life, parasocial relationships, all of that. But now through my podcast instead of through social media, which I honestly just enjoy so much more because in my podcast, I'm not, like, operating on the whims of the algorithm or my behaviors aren't so dictated by a particular app. And so I feel a lot more creative freedom there, and that's much more fulfilling for me.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. It also strikes me that the pace of podcasting gets to be so much slower. And this is something I felt, but it also touches on what you shared earlier before.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
It's like this conversation is having right now. And if I don't post soon, then I'm going to miss the conversation and I have to keep up. Whereas, podcasting, you really can, like, digest and I mean, that that's what I what I've loved about doing this podcast in seasons is, like, think about a topic that I want to explore with guests for a while and have time to sit with it and metabolize and have something to say. And I see you doing that with your podcast as well, there's a different energetic quality to that approach versus leading with social media.
Amelia Hruby:
I think it's been really interesting to see a sort of rise of the long form again. I think that through the popularity of Substack, we're seeing a lot more long form writing happening online and in people's inboxes. I think that through the popularity of YouTube, we're seeing a lot more long form video essays, and I think that's directly in response to the way that social media has made everything shorter, faster, more concise, and in many instances, more superficial. And so I think that we're kind of seeing this, like, counterbalance of this very, like, long form content as a way of people sort of rejecting those super short form norms.
Amelia Hruby:
And that said, I don't feel like I'm doing either of them. I really feel like I'm in, like, more at a center point in the spectrum where I'm really trying to create a space where my work can happen at a human pace, frankly, at my human pace. And it can be thoughtful. It can be in conversation with what's happening in the world, but I don't feel at any point, like, I am having to jump on a bandwagon or, like, be a part of something that I don't feel, like, called and accountable to. And I think that on social media, I just always felt like the ground was shifting under me. I could never figure out, like, who's the community here? Who am I accountable to? What are we agreeing on together? And I think that in other spaces, we have better opportunities to make those choices together. And, you know, how does that show up? I feel like that's a little abstract, but for me, the way that shows up is I read a lot of newsletters. I read marketing news online.
Amelia Hruby:
I make long lists of, like, episode topics for my podcast, but they don't all become episodes because some of them are really, like, fleeting conversations, whereas others are, like, things that really take root and that I care about for weeks or months and then slowly build episodes around. And I just think that that sort of enduring quality for me lends itself to, like, a meaningfulness and a potency that I could never really capture on social media. Even my favorite things that I did and shared on social media, like, always left those platforms. Right? Like, my Feminist Mantra Monday series became a book and that's what made it, like, real and tangible and important to me, you know, or they became pages on my website. It's like, now I just operate in those other spaces instead of doing it on I used to do it on social media first and then bring it to other spheres or worlds or platforms. And now I'm just living in those other platforms, and I see a lot of my peers and people I love. I'd say yourself included, Taylor, like, they're doing their work on in other spaces and then bringing it to social media, and I think that's great. I think a lot of us have divested from the platforms in that way, and we may be sharing back to them or not.
Amelia Hruby:
But I do think overall, I'm really happy to see that movement because I don't think that social media platforms are prioritizing anything other than their own profits. And so I don't think there are places that are frankly safe or wise to build businesses or creative practices or personal journals because they could go away at any moment, and we have no say or power there at all.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
So much good stuff there, Amelia. And I'm gonna speak to the personal side of things first, and then I'll loop back around to the business piece of this. On the personal side, I just this piece that you said around, like, who are we actually accountable to or in relationship with? I think that can get lost a lot in social media, whether it's just, like, I see this person. I see their stories. We both have had instances where people who, like, don't really know us are then all of a sudden asking a lot of us because they felt like they're in relationship with us. I also think of, like, in instances where you disagree with someone or perhaps want to call someone in and, like, we having to figure out what level of relationship do we actually have.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
And I've had an instance that you helped talk me through where I was like, I've done stuff with someone outside of social media, and I thought that we had a real relationship and maybe we didn't and maybe we don't agree or aren't being held accountable to the same thing. And I think, sometimes, the parasocial nature of social media makes it seem like, oh, well, we both liked this post or we both are upholding the same values. And it can seem like it's a proxy for some deeper conversations when it's not. You still have to have those conversations and make sure that you are to each other what you think you are.
Amelia Hruby:
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And I also think when we're having those conversations, if we do have a disagreement, social media is just a really unsupportive place to try to mediate or move through conflict together. And healthy relationships will experience conflict.
Amelia Hruby:
It's a part of life. It's a part of being different people in a relationship, and I embrace and love that. And so, yes, I completely agree. I think you're right that we see a sort of a shared liking post or following the same people as this proxy for we have the same values and that is a proxy for, therefore, we would believe the same things and behave in the same ways. And, like, we're just way too many proxies, superficial proxies deep between, like, we both follow this person and we would both handle a conflict in this way. And, like, social media is not supporting us actually digging in to the relationship and community building on that level.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. And the irony is that they talk about community. These are, like, apps that are social and they're all about community and you're building your community on Instagram or on TikTok. But we're missing many of the things that make a community something that can last, something that can withstand conflict and can withstand hard times. I wanna pivot slightly to speak to what you were sharing on the business side of things. And you mentioned, like, you have a service business. You have been able to build something that is incredible and is able to thrive without having a social media presence. There are other businesses, I'd put Inner Workout in that where, to some extent, we have to be on social media. Even as I'm saying that, I don't know how true that is. We've done less and less on social media and have continued to have more people find us.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I guess, I wanna offer up to people that this isn't a situation where we're saying it has to be all or nothing. You made the choice that's best for you and makes total sense. I'm making the choice that's best for me. Listeners, I trust you to make the choice that is best for you. But, Amelia, what I'm hoping you could maybe give us is some advice or maybe some internal conversation starters for people who are realizing, I'm not happy with my relationship to social media, and I'd like to get to the root of why that is and perhaps what I could do to change that.
Amelia Hruby:
I think that this is a great place to get out a journal or, like, go for a walk with a voice memo. Like, that's my favorite thing. I'm not the best journaler on paper these days, but, like, take me on a walk with my AirPods in and my voice recorder on.
Amelia Hruby:
I'll just talk to myself the whole time, and it's, like, beautiful. And then I'll have it, like, AI transcribed and I can look back. So anyway, that's my pro-tip on journaling on the go. But I think this is a if you're feeling frustrated with social media, I would consider questions like, what do I enjoy about social media? When do I feel bad about social media? Can I notice anything that is bringing up those feelings, or are there specific things that are kind of triggering those feelings in me? Do you feel like you have to be on social media? And if so, why? Do you feel like you're choosing to be on social media even though you don't have to be? And if so, why? What are you hoping to get out of your experience of these apps, and are the apps giving that to you? Is this an alignment with your deeper values? I mean, these are a lot of different questions, but I think, you know, Taylor, you once gave me a really beautiful practice that I'll share back here of opening up social media and scrolling for 10 minutes and just, like, with a journal beside it and just noticing. Like, here's how I felt when this showed up. Here's how I felt when this showed up. Here's what showed up and here's how I felt. I think that's a beautiful practice.
Amelia Hruby:
If you're really at that beginning point of like, this feels bad and I don't know why, I think that's a great place to start by like actually just documenting your experience of moving through the app. But I think what we're really trying to get to here is all about values and intention and desire. What do you hope to get from any social media app that you're using? Do you hope to get joy from looking at cute cat photos? Do you hope to get artistic inspiration from seeing what other artists are doing? Do you hope to get a feeling of connection with your friends that are far away? I think that's the first stage, identifying what you're hoping for, why are you showing up there, and then being willing to interrogate and ask if you're actually getting those things and what the trade off is. If you're maybe you're getting that, but what else are you getting that maybe you're not enjoying? Like, a million suggested posts all about some wellness trend that's actually harmful to your well-being or all of these Facebook posts that your second cousin is posting that are super problematic and you don't have to see them all the time, or just 20 ads for every one time you see that friend from faraway's post. You know? So start with what you're desiring, why are you showing up there, And then what are you actually getting there and trying to make sense of the difference between those two things. And, you know, if you think that you want to leave, I will just say there are other ways to get the things that you're desiring than social media. I really think there are. It may be a different path.
Amelia Hruby:
It may even be a more challenging path, but this narrative we have societally that social media is the one thing to do ALL of these different things for us. Like, I just think that is absolutely false. And I'm not saying it's easy to leave, and I'm not saying it's supportive for everyone to leave, but it is an option to leave. And I just that's what I'm always trying to get through to people. Like, if you wanna liberate yourself from the app, you can do it. I run a whole podcast about how to do it. Come join us. I'm here for you if you wanna leave.
Amelia Hruby:
And, also, if you're never gonna leave, you can you can come hang out as well. Most Off The Grid listeners are not off social media, and I embrace that.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Thank you for that. And, yes, that reminder that there are options. And I mentioned all or nothing thinking before. It's been a cognitive distortion that I've been thinking about. I wrote a blog post about it for Inner Workout. If anyone wants to read it, we'll link it in the show notes.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
But one of the most powerful things that we can do when we feel like there are these binaries is just realize that we have other options. And leaving social media is not an option that really gets talked about as being viable. So thank you, Amelia, for being on the show. You mentioned that you have a podcast. Tell us about the podcast and tell us how people can stay in touch with you because we know it's not on social media.
Amelia Hruby:
Yes. I am not on the apps, but I am on the Internet. So you can listen to my podcast Off The Grid: leaving social media without losing all your clients anywhere that you get your podcasts.
Amelia Hruby:
Typically, if you search Off The Grid leaving, it'll show right up. You can also find the podcast and all of our offerings at offthegrid.fun. If you're interested in making a podcast with me, you can find Softer Sounds at softersounds.studio. And if you just wanna learn a little bit more about me and what I'm up to, you can find my website at ameliahruby.com.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Lovely. Thank you, Amelia, for being on the show. This was such a delight.
Amelia Hruby:
Thank you, Taylor. I'm so thrilled to be a return guest on Inner Warmup and just always, like, honored to be in your presence.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Inner Warmup is a collaborative effort. It's hosted by me, Taylor Elyse Morrison. Danielle Spaulding provides production support, and it's edited by Carolina Duque. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. And if you're looking to continue your inner work, our free Take Care assessment is a great place to start. On that note, take care.