Are you open to the idea of moving as an adult? - In today’s episode, Taylor is joined by Krissie McMenamin to tell the tale of her adventurous cross-country journey, and how she embraced vulnerability and change to form deeper connections. Together they explore the ways our bodies and minds respond to new environments and tips for building friendships beyond the surface level.
Whether you’ve recently moved, are planning to move, or just curious about this life-changing experience, this episode is for you!
Mentioned in episode
Meet today’s guest
Krissie is on a mission to spark aliveness! She does this a few ways: creating immersive experiences where you go for the entertainment but leave with something more - a taste of self-awareness, deep human connection, a yearning burning hunger for MORE! She is the creator of The Labyrinth: Go Within to Go Beyond, Jump into Kid-dom - a trampoline park experience where you unleash your inner child, and RAGEher: a movement experience for women to express their anger and power. She is founder of The Aliveness Collective, a community of folks on a journey of self-discovery.
And, Krissie is a sought-after leadership coach for people-first startup founders and their teams, and through various volunteer organizations, has mentored founders age 10 to 70 from 50+ countries. She has an MBA from Kellogg and a Master's in Transformational Leadership and Coaching. Along with her husband, she took a third of life retirement to travel the world (she's currently at 51 countries). She has a whacky wonderful greyhound named Sherman. And, she wants you to know she's in a constant state of evolution and may be doing cartwheels right now.
Connect with Kristina McMenamin
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
You're listening to Inner Warmup. I'm your host, Taylor Elyse Morrison, founder and author of Inner Workout, ICF certified coach, and fellow journeyer. In 2017, I set out to build a life that didn't burn me out, and I found my life's work in the process. On Inner Warmup, we talk about how self-care and inner work show up in your relationships, your career, your schedule, and then the conversations you have with yourself. We get practical, we get nuanced, and we're not afraid to challenge wellness as usual. So take a deep breath and get curious. This is where your inner work begins. Today's guest is Krissie McMenamin.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Krissie is on a mission to spark aliveness. She does this a few ways: creating immersive experiences where you go for the entertainment, but leave with something more, whether that's a taste of self-awareness, deep human connection, or a yearning, burning hunger for more. She's the founder of the Aliveness Collective, a community of folks on a journey of self discovery. And Krissie's also a sought after leadership coach for people first start-up founders and their teams. She has an MBA from Kellogg and a master's in transformational leadership and coaching. Along with her husband, she took a third of life retirement to travel the world. She's currently at 51 countries, and she has a wacky, wonderful greyhound named Sherman that you'll hear a little bit about in today's episode. Keep listening to hear about Krissie's recent cross-country move, how Krissie used intention setting to turn her move into an adventure, the ways our bodies and minds respond to new environments, and tips for building friendships from the ground up.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
What I love about this episode is that if you do have a move coming up, there's a lot of great stuff that you can glean from this, but there's also something here for the people who are just looking to deepen their communal roots wherever they're planted right now. You're gonna enjoy this episode. Krissie is just such a bundle of joy. I'll stop talking here. Enjoy. Hey, Krissie. I'm so glad that you're here.
Kristina McMenamin:
Hello. I'm happy to be here. It's been a while.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
It has. This is feeling a little bit like a reunion because I first met you when you were based in Chicago, but I haven't gotten to talk with you since you've moved, and obviously, that's kind of the topic of our conversation today. I wanna start with the Chicago of it all, not just because Chicago is near and dear to my heart. How long did you live in Chicago before you left?
Kristina McMenamin:
Well, I grew up in Chicago, like, in the city. Because people are always like, I grew up in Chicago, but I live in the burbs. I grew up in the city of Chicago, but then I left for college for many years in New York. And then I came back in 2016. So I've kind of been back in Chicago for a handful of years. And it was weird because it was, like, home, but not home because I'd lived away for quite some time.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Okay. So you had the sense of it being home, but not home. Now it's definitely not home because you don't live here anymore. I'm wondering how you would have described your relationship to Chicago right as you were leaving or thinking about leaving.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. So it was interesting because I moved back in 2016, and then immediately, about a year and a half later, I left for, like, a travel adventure. And so then I was gone for a year. And all of the people that I'd met in my year and a half of being there, many of them had moved away in my year of leaving. So then I get back and I build start building more community and meeting more people. And then the pandemic hits and a bunch more people leave. And so even though I had some really core friends from trade school and business school, they were all sort of like their own little groups of people. And I didn't really feel like I had, like, a core community of people in Chicago.
Kristina McMenamin:
And it it was just upon leaving that I felt like I was finally kind of creating that through a few different spaces. There's a beautiful space called Alter, and I felt like I was really connected into that. But it was, like, several years of trying to find my people in Chicago. So I felt like yeah. It was sort of that, like, I love Chicago, and I don't know. There might be my people other places too.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. It goes back to what you were saying of that home, but not home. Like, you were there, but maybe the elements of home where you're like, this is where my people are, weren't fully there until maybe the tail end.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. Yeah. And I, you know, I still, in some ways, consider New York that home because many of my very best friends in the whole world who are kinda my soul people, they're mostly there. And I feel like I grew up with a Finnish mother, so I traveled a lot as a kid. So I also have, like, people in various parts of Europe and Finland that are my soul people. And a few in Chicago. But, yeah, I didn't feel like the full embrace of Chicago until maybe I was leaving.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
So tell me more about you leaving. What was behind the decision to move? And this is like you're an adult. Like, you're an established person. So it's a little bit different than moving after college.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. My husband got a job out here. I mean, that's kind of the the short of it. He'd gotten laid off in some of those big tech layoffs, like, February of last year and was on a journey of sort of figuring out what was next for him. And throughout that journey of looking for different opportunities, we were talking, like, are we open? Are we open to moving someplace different? And the answer was, like, yes and it depends on location. And so when, you know, he had actually been interviewed for a job in San Francisco, and we thought he was gonna get it. And we're, like, kinda jazzed, scared, all the things. And then he didn't end up getting it, and it was, like, a 3 or 4 month process.
Kristina McMenamin:
And then this opportunity came around and literally went and it's in the San Diego area, and literally went from first conversation to getting him an offer in, like, 2 weeks. So it was a very quick, like, are we open to moving to San Diego? Like, I hadn't been to San Diego since, you know, maybe 15 years prior for a long weekend, so I didn't really know the city. But I've been talking to a lot of people. Everyone's like, people who go there don't leave. So it's pretty nice. The weather is amazing. And so we decided that he was gonna take the offer without me even, you know, going back and looking at it.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Wow. That takes a a lot of trust, trust in the process, trust in your partner.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. Yeah. It does. And, you know, actually, one of the things, you know, we were talking about home. We had a lot of conversations about, like, we're home. Like, he's my home. My dog and Joe are my home, you know. And so it's like home is where we are.
Kristina McMenamin:
And we're always up for an - I'm always up for an adventure. So I was kinda like, alright. Yeah. Let's do this. We'll have an adventure.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
What I'm hearing from you is that a lot of this was conversations. You had, like, the conversation, are we open to moving? And what are the places that we're open to moving? And then the conversation of, like, okay. Krissie hasn't been here. Are we willing to do this? And and it's you are up for it. You are willing to have that adventure. I really like this reminder too that you are each other's home in this partnership. And also, I guess I'm curious for you, what would this thought process of moving have looked like if you weren't in a partnered relationship? Because I know I have people listening who are on both sides of the coin.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah, I think that's a good question. You know, I have been learning over the last 5 years to start trusting my gut and my intuition over my brain. What that process looks like for me with any decision is, like, closing my eyes and visualizing different scenarios and really moving through, okay. Like, when I imagine, you know, taking my cross-country road trip with my dog and arriving in San Diego, like, what does that feel like in my body? Is it expansive? Is it open? Is it, like, full of possibility? Or is my body going, like, cringe, no. Deny, decline. And so that's even a decision making tool that it doesn't always quite work 100% where it's super clear, but sometimes and actually a lot of the time it does. I even use it for, like, you know, hmm I've got all these birthday travel plans I'm thinking about. Like, I wanna go to New York, I wanna go to Denver and see this thing. Should I go with Joe? Should I go by myself? Like, what should I and then like tuning in and just giving myself a moment to be like, what does my body say? And it was like, I'm going to New York by myself, that's clear, and I'm going to Denver with Joe, and we're gonna, like, do this thing together.
Kristina McMenamin:
That was not something that I did 5 years ago. Like, I don't think I would have had the body sense to be able to do that 5 years ago, but that's something I've been building, and it's powerful.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
It really is. And it's funny. This is a topic that comes up over and over again, and I was doing a talk for Inner Workout. Was it last weekend? Time is just so weird right now. But people are regularly asking, like, where do you recommend that we start when it comes to self-care? And I'm always telling people the listening. Like, if we talk at Inner Workout about self-care being listening within and responding in the most loving way possible, So many times people wanna jump to the response. Tell me what to do. Give me the list of 5 steps to do.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
But if we can't cultivate that listening, especially listening to our bodies, the doing is often gonna lead us into a direction that's not what we truly want.
Kristina McMenamin:
Oh, girl. I feel like this is a lesson that I keep teaching myself and learning, like, week after week, 1 month after month after being a historic do do doer. I mean, in my family, it was like do all the time. You don't rest for anything. I still have moments where I take a little, like, snooze on the couch and my heart, like, jumps out of my chest if I think someone's, like, coming to, like, catch me sleeping. You know? So, yeah, it's a practice, I think, that many of us never had until, you know, we start to cultivate it.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Absolutely. I'm glad to hear that you're cultivating it and that it helped inform your decision making process for this move.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Like, there was definitely a full openness and, like, a possibility in my body for sure. And I also know, you know, a lot of the work I do, it's wild how much more of it is here in San Diego. Like, I could go to a women's circle, like, every night of the week if I wanted to. In Chicago, there's, like, you know, two a month. There is sound baths and meditation and mindfulness and you name it. And I think that was part of it too of, like, oh, in Chicago, sometimes it feels it felt challenging.
Kristina McMenamin:
There wasn't as much of this community of, like, people on this journey of self discovery and and wanting, you know, to try different modalities and whatnot. And here, it's, like, wildly all over the place.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad that San Diego is offering that to you. I wanna talk to you about San Diego, but I wanna rewind a little bit. You mentioned you were visualizing having this cross country road trip with your dog and your partner.
Kristina McMenamin:
Actually, not my partner. It ended up being my two best girlfriends.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Oh. Okay. So let's talk more about this. I wanna know before we get to the move itself, it sounds like it happened so so quickly. So what did you do to prepare for this move? I wanna hear the logistics side of it. I also wanna hear the emotional side of it too.
Kristina McMenamin:
Well, the week that Joe was making the decision whether or not to accept the offer and was negotiating what and whatnot, a few things were happening. one, I thought I might be pregnant actually, that week. And, you know, we've been trying for several years, and it was the first time that I actually thought I might be pregnant in, like, 3 or 4 years of trying. And so it was kind of a very wild week. I was feeling huge feelings. I was feeling so scared. I didn't know what was happening in my body. I didn't, you know we were about to make this big move.
Kristina McMenamin:
We were talking about, like, okay, does he go out first and then I follow? You know, it was kind of like there was a lot of stress in that week, but some things became very clear in the stress. Where it was like he was like, great. Let's do our holidays with our parents and then leave in January on a 4-day road trip and get there as soon as possible. And my immediate reaction was, like, no. That sounds terrible. Like, if I'm gonna do this, like, I want it to be an adventure. Right? So that was the one thing. The second piece was we had a lot going on in that month.
Kristina McMenamin:
We actually had a trip to India planned for a very good business school friend's wedding. So he was sort of thinking about the offer, plus then we had this 10-day trip, plus then it was the holidays coming up. So we were like and, you know, my parents spend it down in Florida, my in laws are in Cincinnati. So in addition to the move logistics, I was also turning 40. We were having a 40th birthday party. So there was, like, a lot going on. So logistically speaking, it was like, how do we make it all as easeful as possible? And really what that came down to was negotiating with them, like, Joe will come for a week and then he's gonna come back to Chicago for a week because and work virtually. And by the way, there is 5-day in office company.
Kristina McMenamin:
So it was this negotiation of, like, we've got all this stuff going on, and he's gonna come in person but then be virtual for the 1st few months, but let's get him started. Because he was ready. He was chomping at the bit to start working. And I was kinda like, I don't want this to be a whole stressful wait till January and need to do everything in 1 month. Well, like, let's kinda layer it out. Let's it's all good. And so that's it was really focused on ease. How do we make this as, like, fun and adventuresome as possible? And so we ended up it was like birthday party, trip to India.
Kristina McMenamin:
He was flying back and forth, but then I was sort of able to get some stuff ready at home, find the movers, you know, get all of the, like, alright. Here's the like, exactly when the movers are coming, exactly who's gonna drive with me when I wanna do this more luxurious 10-day trip across the country. How are we gonna, like, get Sherman seat belted in the car? Like, how are we gonna arrange the car with 3 adult humans, a greyhound who's 73lbs? And then we really wanted two of our plants to make the trip too, which they did and survived. Despite it being negative 17 degrees, like the first 3 days of our trip. So I was really orienting to my vision that life is an adventure and I'm not willing to sacrifice, like, the adventure piece for, like, the logistics.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I love this. So even this idea of vision keeps coming up. Like, vision was even before you decided to move, you were feeling into, okay, how would we know what are the spaces that we would be willing to move to? You're envisioning, how does my body feel when I go? And then you're setting this vision out for yourself of what that transition is going to be like. And I'm all about having guiding words or phrases for situations. I never would have thought to do that for a move, but I can hear how there's one world in which you all rushed, and it was like, you flip a switch and you're throwing everything into boxes. And then all of a sudden you're like, surprise, I've teleported to San Diego. But because you have that vision and those words, you intentionally created this experience for yourself.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. I totally did. And it was wild. Like, the minute I was, like, no to this 4-day cross country, you know, with Joe situation that seemed like it was gonna be really stressful. Immediately, I was like, I know the two people who I wanna ask to come with me. And one of them was my cousin in Finland, but I know she's up for anything. I literally call her and I was like, hey, I know you're in Finland, but how would you feel about flying to Chicago to then get in a car and drive 10-days across country to me for our move to San Diego? She didn't even ask me the dates. She's like, done, in.
Kristina McMenamin:
I was like, okay. First of all, everyone needs one of them in their lives. You know? Like, everyone needs one of her. It ended up being she owns two bridal boutiques in Finland. It ended up being one of her busiest times that is in her year. And it was wild because it ended up being a huge growth opportunity for her to release control and let her team handle a lot of what came up. So that was kind of interesting. And then I was like, other friend, my friend, Tania.
Kristina McMenamin:
I was like, let's do this. You know, she had some time flexibility. I was like, how do you feel about coming? She's like, took a little longer to figure her stuff out. She's like, absolutely. And the beauty of this is they had met before, but very briefly. These were 2 people who are, like, so core. I've known, you know, my cousin Yanique since we were kids and we're summer sisters together. And then my bestie, Tania, from college for, you know, 20 years at this point to have those people come, Tania flew from New York, to come and drive and do this adventure with me and support me in this way, like, it still, like, it brings tears to my eyes because of, like, it was so supportive.
Kristina McMenamin:
Like, it was so magical and supportive, and we had such a good time.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
It sounds like a beautiful adventure, and I'm I'm, like, feeling your emotion. I get the benefit of seeing you on screen, but I feel like even in your voice, the way that you're delivering, and it's so clear that, again, something that could have just been, how can we rush to San Diego, became this just the word that's coming to mind, you said, like, these are core people in your life. On TikTok, people are I'm probably a little outdated using this. So Gen z listening to this, don't make fun of me.
Kristina McMenamin:
Don't judge. Yeah. But there is
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
a trend of talking about core memories, and it sounds like you built a core memory with your core people.
Kristina McMenamin:
Oh, a 100%. And I love okay. So core memories, I I don't know where that comes from, but it's also referred to in the movie Inside Out, which is one of my top favorite Pixar movies. And what I love about the way they depict core memories in Inside Out is, like, the whole sort of evolution of the memory is that it's either joyful or sad or whatever. And then at the end, you see them being, like, multicolored that it's, like, joyful and sad. And I think that's what the beauty of, like, even our adventure was. It's, like, yeah, there was a ton of joy, but there were also moments of, you know, frustration of, you know, just like getting on each other's nerves, all that. And it and and they're all kind of woven up fear.
Kristina McMenamin:
I mean, we drove in some challenging conditions even though safety was a 100% first the entire trip, but, like, we just ended up in some sleep storms. You know? So there's all of these emotions that came together to really create that core memory and stronger bonds too.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. I'm excited. Side note, inside out too is coming out soon, and I am very excited about it. So I'm so excited too. So the support that you got, that I've heard you talk about so far, the support of having 2 of your people make this trip with you and make it fun and as easy as possible. You have the support of having movers, so you didn't, like, drive a big truck across the country yourself. Is there any other support that you received for this cross country move? And is there any other support you didn't receive, but if you did it again, you're like, yes. I would definitely look for this?
Kristina McMenamin:
Okay. The way I'm gonna answer this is taking one step back and being like, I have been on a journey of learning to ask for more support over the last few years. And the trip was a huge moment of growth, I think, for me in asking my 2 best days to come. Asking I mean, Tania was there the entire day the movers were there, like, helping me, like I mean, even though they're packing everything and whatnot, which was such a gift. I've never had movers do that before. Like, there's there was holding doors open. There I mean, there was just a lot, and they were there for 12 hours. And she was there for 12 hours with me, relying on her for that.
Kristina McMenamin:
There are so many other people. Like, I am in what's called an emotional intelligence lab at this organization called the Human Emergence Group where I have, you know, 7 people in this, like, EQ learning laboratory who were giving me support calls all week. Basically, or text messages just saying, like, hey, you got this. Like, I know moving is challenging. Like, we got your back. Like, let us know what you need. Let us know if you just need to, like, share frustration, whatever. Hugely supportive.
Kristina McMenamin:
I would say even, like, our parents' reactions to the move, you know, my parents live in Chicago and I Joe and I are both only children. Cincinnati is relatively close to Chicago. I think I was expecting more pushback from our parents, and they made it easier for us by being supportive. Even if they didn't, like, feel it all the way through. Right? I know they were feeling sadness. I know they were feeling some hurt and some fear, but they really oriented to support, and that was big. My 40th birthday happened around that time too. And my mom and I decided to kind of, like, co throw a party.
Kristina McMenamin:
So we were also party planning, so there's a lot going on. And we invited people, and we ended up making it a a 40th plus going away. And the people who showed up to that party, I mean, family, friends, new friends, old friends, you name it. It was such a delight and such it it just made me feel so loved and so supported just to have those people around. Yeah. It was really beautiful. And then because it was also my birthday month, I've been doing an annual birthday visioning tradition because, you know, it's mid December. We're cutting into the new year.
Kristina McMenamin:
I had people show up to virtual visioning sessions. I had people show up to in person visioning sessions. And then 2, 3 of my best girlfriends all flew in from Atlanta and New York to do a psychedelic mushroom ceremony with me that weekend also. And so, like, I had people flying in to support, and it was all, like, yes, birthday, but it was also just I just felt so supported as a human in that time where so much change was happening and about to happen. And after those visioning sessions and after the psychedelic ceremony, like, I was literally in the most expanded period of flow in my life that I've ever experienced. And so even though there was so much going on, I just like in almost no judgment about how I spent time. It was just like whatever comes up next, you do it. Whatever comes up next, you do it.
Kristina McMenamin:
Whatever comes up next, you do it. That was new for me. Normally, there's kinda this, like, you should be spending it on this, not this. And that was, like, all gone. And so I was just, like, flowing through all the to dos, and it felt good.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I love that. That's really beautiful. Okay. So we've got to the point where you had your road trip. Now you're in San Diego. You've been in San Diego for some months at this point. How would you say, from where you're sitting right now, the move has impacted your mental well-being?
Kristina McMenamin:
Well, haha, so now we get to the to the the the challenging part after, like, the highest of high. So I arrive, Yanny and Tania are here for the next few days, they end up leaving. And then I'm home. Joe is not here anymore. We've been working in the same space for 3 years. He's going to the office every day. I'm surrounded by boxes. And it was like literal, like, nose dive.
Kristina McMenamin:
And I've been like processing a lot of like what happened in that month period where it was really really hard. And I was not expecting it to be hard. So one maybe needed to expect there to be a little bit more challenge, but there's this thing where all of my systems were jostled. I didn't have, really, the only thing that was the same was my daily walks with our dog, Sherman. I didn't have my gym routine down, my work routine was totally blown out because I was, like, in the midst of boxes. I noticed myself this is retrospectively, by the way. In the moment, I was just in a lot of self beat up and judgment. But retrospectively, I realized that I when the rug felt like it was pulled under me out from under me when the, like, the friends left and I felt kinda like the support had left, even though that wasn't actually true, but that's sort of what my body felt, It was like I reoriented to patterns that were familiar for safety.
Kristina McMenamin:
Patterns of, like, self beat uppy language, judging myself for the where I'm spending time, not even really valuing the time of unpacking and setting up a house as valuable because it's not like money making or it's not what like, all of these patterns that were very old. Like, old patterns, like, kinda hit me in the face, like, slapped me upside the head a little bit. And that was tough because I didn't see it in the moment. This is all kinda like, oh, yeah. Look at what was happening after the fact. So I had a really hard 2 months. The other thing was, like, I am a hugely extroverted person and.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yes. You are
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. And I was, like, I this was contained to my home for, like, 2 weeks. I'm like, what finally, I think I was, like, I what am I doing? Like, I gotta get out of I gotta get out of this house. Not to mention, there was some additional challenge. We found black mold in the kitchen, so our kitchen was ripped out. We had no kitchen for about 6 weeks. So there's just, like, also some other stuff that I know with contractors coming in and out of the house for 6 weeks. But it's judging the way I was spending time and then judging the judging, and I'm like judging the judging the judging.
Kristina McMenamin:
Like, those were behaviors that I have worked really hard to "eliminate", for the last few years, but they came really roaring back. And it's taken me several months to, like, build back in sort of the positivity and the momentum and, like, the kindness and this, like, self compassion. So yeah, man. Moving is rough.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. And the way that you described it makes perfect sense, where your brain and your body are like, everything's different. So what can I control? What can I make the same? And a lot of times, it's unhealthy for us. It's unsupportive for us.
Kristina McMenamin:
Totally. Totally. And I'm actually really grateful in now again kind of coming having come out of this time, which I've now starting to refer to as my composting period. Like, I, myself, was in a state of compost. Like because it really felt like I was coming up against some very, very core beliefs around even things like deserving to feel sad. There's this way and a way about, you know, growing up, like, I should always be grateful. Like, here I was in California. It's beautiful.
Kristina McMenamin:
Like, there's succulents blooming everywhere. Like, the weather's delightful. We're in a beautiful home. Like, all of these things, they're sort of like a, how could you possibly be sad when you have all of this? Instead of just being like, it's okay to be sad sometimes. And, like, you don't have to have a specific reason for your sad, like, you can just be sad even if you're grateful. And having those things kind of coexist, it's always the judgment of the feelings that gets everything kinda muddled up versus the feeling itself.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
It kinda goes back to what you were saying with Inside Out and the core memories, but it's the same thing with feelings. There's a course in the Inner Workout app that we have around being like a feeling sommelier. And the more that you start to get in touch with your feelings, you realize it's rarely just like a straight, to use taste terms, it's rarely a straight flavor of anger. There's anger, but there also might be sadness, or there also might be fear, or there might also be something else there. And so, yeah, the gratitude was present. You were in sunny San Diego, and you were alone. And you have these unexpected things happening in your house. And yeah.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Like, you could probably keep going and, and, and. And so as hard as it is to hear this moment was for you, I am grateful in listening that what it gave you was an opportunity to allow yourself to feel all the flavors of feelings instead of saying, well, only these ones are allowed. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. So you mentioned, you're a pretty big extrovert. And you said that you've been able to find some community in San Diego or at least there's access to people who are interested in things that you are interested in. I'd love to hear more about what it's looked like to build community, to find friends as an adult in a new city?
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. I actually I'm really proud of the way I've gone about it. So I'm so happy you asked this question. I have been unapologetic about the fact that I am new and that I'm in the market or on the market for friends. I tell people that. So I go to an you know, I've been to several events. Lots of events. There's so many events.
Kristina McMenamin:
I've gone to meditation events. I've gone to cacao ceremonies. I've gone to there's, like, a wellness practitioner meet up that I've been to multiple times. There's some start up things that I've gone to. And I'm I just tell people point blank, like, I just moved here and I'm in the market for friends. And there are people who just respond really positively to that, and there's a lot of transplants here, which is nice. A lot of people from the Midwest, a lot of people from the in East Coast. And I'm also unapologetic about asking for people's numbers, like, right there, right then.
Kristina McMenamin:
If I don't get their contact information, there is zero chance that I can meet up with them. And so it's like, hey. If someone kinda responds positively to, like, I'm in the market for a friend, it's like, will you be my friend? Then I'm like, yeah. Like, let's let's exchange numbers. Like, let's go for a coffee or a lunch or whatever. And so I was bragging, like, it was probably my second month here and I was like, I think I might have gotten, like, 12 or 15 numbers already. It's like dating, but, like, for friends. But some of those have turned into friendships already.
Kristina McMenamin:
The other thing I did that was really great, and I highly recommend to anybody moving to a new city, I posted on LinkedIn, and maybe Facebook, but mostly LinkedIn, kind of with descriptions of the kinds of people that I was interested in connecting with. I was like, hey, I'm moving to San Diego, Like, can you connect me to your kooky aunt who loves creative stuff? Can you connect me to, like, your long lost yoga teacher who moved out there who, like, you never heard back from or, you know, will you connect me to your start up friend who whatever whatever. So I was, like, kinda specific but, like, fun about the way I asked for connections. I think 40 people sent me connections to people here. So in addition to meeting people in these different events that I go to, which by the way, I scour Eventbrite for the best events than the ones that are most aligned with what my interests are, I was able to just, like, reach out to all these people that friends had said, hey. You should connect to this person. Really helpful.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I love this. So there's a few elements of it. First thing is leaning into your existing community. Like, just because you are moving to a different city, doesn't mean these people don't wanna support you. So I love that you had dozens of potential people that you could connect with from your existing community going to events. I love that being unapologetic about having friends, looking for friends, being new here. I would say to anyone listening too, you can do this even if you're not new here. Like, I've had people do this with me and be like, yeah.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I'm looking to expand my friend group. I've said this to some people too to be like, yeah. I would like to spend more time with you. And it does feel really datey, but the best parts of romantic relationships, I think we forget to include in our platonic relationships. Like, the best romantic relationships I know are where people are really direct. They're clear about what their needs are. They're clear about what they want in life, in a relationship, and we just forget to do that in friendship. And it's really beautiful to see people be like, yeah, I would like someone who is willing to go on walks by the lake with me.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I want a friend to go thrifting with. I actually just had a friend this week who was like she's doing her PhD. She's having the hardest time concentrating right now. And she was like, hey. Do you wanna meet with me maybe once a week and co-work together?
Kristina McMenamin:
Love co-working. I love that so much.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Thank you for this. I feel like these are just really practical things, Krissy, that are great when you're moving, but are also just great for anyone who wants to deepen a sense of community where they're at right now.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. A 100%. And I think I think a lot of it is just giving yourself permission. Like, there's something about when you're in a new place, the permission comes more easily. It's like nobody knows me. Who cares? Right? So when you're doing it in your existing town or community, there's a bit of like, okay. No. I'm giving myself permission to just, like, be wild and unapologetic about the fact that I want more friends or different friends or whatever.
Kristina McMenamin:
I love Brené Brown. Talks about giving like, she literally writes permission slips to herself. That's a good one to tuck away.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. The last thing I wanna just add and maybe get your opinion on, so the book Big Friendship written by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, part of what they talk about is how it can be easier to make friends when we're younger because part of friendship is just a matter of spending time together. And when you're in college and you live with someone and there's just so much of your life together, when your kids again, you're at school that you're doing after school things, it can be a little harder as an adult to just get in the number of hours that it takes to feel closer for someone. I'm wondering, like, do you agree or disagree with that? And how are you navigating that?
Kristina McMenamin:
Oh, I love this question. I think it's, like, so at the core of some of, like, my whole mission of sparking aliveness and deeper human connection. Because I think you can get pretty deeply connected with someone in a matter of one hangout or two hangouts, but I think it's about going and needing those deeper yearnings. How often do we stay on the superficial? We talk about the weather. We talk about, you know, our work. We talk about kind of things that I get quite bored if we're only talking, like, superficially things. Like, I wanna know what makes you who you are. Like, you know, how did you become the person you are? What's something big that you wanna do in the next few years? Like, what's an adventure that you went on? And I feel like when I ask those questions and when I drive the conversation and then also go for being known.
Kristina McMenamin:
Right? So it's not just peppering someone else's questions, but also, you know, going for myself, like, sharing vulnerably and being like, hey. This is, like, my experience with these things. I don't know. I can I can feel pretty connected quickly, and then because it's a quick connection, like, then you can go deeper? But you gotta have two people who want that, and that's not always the case. I think part of for me, it's like, fisting out who wants to do that level of depth of conversation right away, because I wanna hang out with you more. If you're kinda up here, I'm kinda like, okay. I don't mind, but I just like the more vulnerable stuff. I also think a lot of adult friendships start revolving around activities.
Kristina McMenamin:
Like, if you have kids, it's around your kids' activities or maybe you go play tennis. And, again, it sort of ends up being around that thing and then all you talk about is that thing. And so I think my just offering to invitation to people is to, like, really go and get your your names met of being seen, known, heard, understood, you know, whatever it is because that's like likely going to create a deeper level of connection and conversation with folks. I do think you can make really good friends as adults.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. It takes the willingness to go there. Oh, Krissie. This is so, so good. If people want to hear more from you and what you are up to in the world, how can they stay connected with you?
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. I'm at krismac, k r i s s m a c, on Instagram. It's, like, mostly personal stuff, but, like, it's all, like, living life. I am in the process of kind of beta testing a community of folks on a journey of living our fullest lives. My whole kind of thing is aliveness. Like, I really feel like when we feel all of our feelings, that's so much of what it is to be alive. And so you can check out the alivenesscollective.com. It's literally, like, brand spanking new.
Kristina McMenamin:
So if there are any, like, typos, let me know. And, like, so we'll have, you know, some some monthly content and some newsletters and things coming out from there. So those are probably the two best.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Awesome. I will make sure that those are shared in the show notes. And thank you so much, Krissie, for for what you shared with us. I think there's really great insights for people who are moving, but also just for people who want to feel, to use your words, a sense of connection and aliveness where they're rooted right now.
Kristina McMenamin:
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. This was so fun. And I it's, like, nice to just, like, talk it all out, you know, and and reflect on reflect on the last few months. So I appreciate the opportunity to do that.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
My pleasure. Inner Warmup is a collaborative effort. It's hosted by me, Taylor Elyse Morrison, Danielle Spaulding provides production support, and it's edited by Carolina Duque. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. And if you're looking to continue your inner work, our free Take Care assessment is a great place to start. On that note, take care.
