Welcome to Season Six of Inner Warmup! In today’s episode, Taylor and guest Mallory Contois come together to discuss the life-changing impact an illness has on someone. Mallory dives into how she navigated her diagnosis at the peak of her career, the support she received, and how cancer transformed the way she showed up in her personal life and career!
Meet today’s guest
Mallory leads Community at Mercury and is the founder of The Old Girls Club- a virtual community for women in the second and third stages of their careers in male dominated fields. She is also an angel investor & advisor to early stage founders, focusing on those building in the consumer social, art & creativity, women's health, and marketplace spaces. She previously spent time on the early teams at Pinterest & Cameo focusing on product led growth, and as the COO of Metafy, a marketplace for gamers to find community and master their skills.
Connect with Mallory Contois
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
You're listening to Inner Warmup. I'm your host, Taylor Elyse Morrison, founder and author of Inner Workout, ICF certified coach, and fellow journeyer. In 2017, I set out to build a life that didn't burn me out, and I found my life's work in the process. On Inner Warmup, we talk about how self-care and inner work show up in your relationships, your career, your schedule, and then the conversations you have with yourself. We get practical, we get nuanced, and we're not afraid to challenge wellness as usual. So take a deep breath and get curious. This is where your inner work begins. Welcome Back.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
We're here for season 6 of Inner Warmup. And this season's theme is Monu(mental). I'll tell you in a second why we chose that name. You know the saying that change is life's only constant? You know that. I know that. And we also know that not all changes are created equal. So what we're doing in this monu(mental) season of Inner Warmup is we're talking about the relationship between major life events and major life changes, whether that's getting a divorce or going back to school or, as we'll hear today, getting diagnosed with an illness or deciding whether or not to have kids. We're gonna talk about the relationship between those major life changes and our mental well-being. Over the course of the season, we're exploring why we seek out change, our responses when change chooses us, what monumental life events can teach us, and how we can navigate life transitions. Today's guest is Mallory Contois.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Mallory leads community at Mercury and is the founder of the Old Girls Club, a virtual community for women in the second and third stages of their careers in male dominated fields. She's also an angel investor and an advisor to early stage founders. What you didn't hear in that bio is that Mallory was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at age 25, and it completely changed her life. We talk about who she was before the cancer, the impact that the cancer had on her mental health during and after her diagnosis. We talk about the support she wishes she would have received at that time in her life, and we end the episode on the lesson that cancer taught her and how you can learn something similar without having to have a life changing diagnosis of your own. I will say that this episode is full of gems. It's also got its fair share of F bombs. So if you're in a situation where you don't want curse words, this might not be the episode for you to listen to right now.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Hey, Mallory.
Mallory Contois:
Hey. How's it going? Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
So we're obviously recording this conversation right now, but for listeners, I have just read your bio. And your bio is all about who you are today. But our conversation kind of starts with who you were in the past. So I wanna rewind for a second. And can you tell us who you were and what your life looked like before you got sick and got your diagnosis?
Mallory Contois:
I barely know her. She is somebody that I, like, feel like I'm telling stories about a lot of the time, and I'm sure we'll get to that later. But I went to Duke. I was pre-med. My dad's a doctor. My mom was a nurse. I was a rule follower. I, like, really just wanted to be good.
Mallory Contois:
You know? I wanted to, like, do the things I was supposed to do and make my parents proud. I'm an only child. And so I went to school, and I grew up in a pretty, like, bubbly town, I would say. Like, a really nice middle-class, like, relatively rural Connecticut town, very white Catholic. And I did not know what was out there. So when I went to school, I started to kind of explore everything that was out there, but I was very much still a role follower. I went through school. I ended up not going pre-med, but kind of fell into tech and really was just kind of, like, climbing the ladder at I was at LinkedIn, and then I was offered a job at Pinterest in the very early days.
Mallory Contois:
So I was one of the early team members there, and I moved to San Francisco. And I really was just, like, a super hard worker, like, doing my thing, living a very sort of happy existence that, you know, I almost thought that that was, like, the peak. I remember being like, this is as good as it'll get. You know? Like, Pinterest was, like, hockey stick growth, and, like, I was really good at my job. And I don't know. Everything was, like, really smooth. And I just sort of repeated day after day, you know, and went with the flow of of what was happening around me.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
And it's almost like if this were a movie, this would be, like, the setup, and there's the perfect beginning. And then you know that, like, from the hero's journey, something is going to shift. And for you, it was getting a diagnosis. Can you first just tell us about, like, what was your diagnosis? How did you find out that you were sick?
Mallory Contois:
I had a tumor under my left arm. For a long time, it really just felt like a swollen lymph node, similar to what you get, you know, if you have a cold or the flu. What I had was it's called Burkitt lymphoma. It's a subtype of non Hodgkin's lymphoma. And a very well, there's a bunch of really weird things about what I had. But one of them is that the tumor doubles every 14 hours. So you know what an exponential curve looks like. It's really small for a really long time, and then, like, all of a sudden, it starts to get a lot bigger.
Mallory Contois:
So, you know, I had noticed it. I'd also been feeling kind of tired and you know? But I didn't really think very much of it. And then I went home for I was living in LA at the time, and I went home for Thanksgiving. And my dad is a doctor. He's an anesthesiologist. And I was like, I got this weird thing under my arm. Like, I don't know.
Mallory Contois:
It doesn't really hurt. It's just, like, in the way. And he looked at it, and I remember I'll, like, never forget that look. Like, he just immediately was like, you have to go get seen. He called in, I think, every favor. I mean, he is nearing retirement. He's been a doctor at the same hospital for 40 years. He called in, like, every favor anyone has ever owed him.
Mallory Contois:
And I was diagnosed in about 4 days, 5 days, which, like, is really fast. You know? For those that aren't familiar, a cancer diagnosis, especially one of a really rare cancer, which was the subject that I had, can take up to a month because multiple labs have to look at it to validate that that's actually the diagnosis. And there's a bunch of steps, getting the biopsy and then getting it sent through everything. So my process was really expedited, but which was great. We caught it early, but I had to start chemo essentially the next day. So I had come home with, like, 4 days worth of clothes for Thanksgiving break, and then I just never went back to LA.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Wow. So you basically went from this period where you're, like, I think this is the best that things ever get, to coming home for Thanksgiving and getting diagnosed with cancer. How did that impact your mental health to have that I'm picturing it as, like, a big whiplash. Yeah.
Mallory Contois:
I mean, that's what it feels like looking back on it. I'm trying to, like, place myself back in the moment. I my dad is the one who told me, so he called me as soon as the lab finished, the second lab finished validating the results. And, you know, we talked about that I was gonna need to start chemo, like, that week, and I remember just being so lost. And, like, in that moment, being like, what the fuck? Like, I have always been very healthy. Like, of my 25 year old friends. I had probably taken the best care of my body, you know, like, I barely drank. I never smoked.
Mallory Contois:
I never did any drugs. Like, I was running six miles a day at the time. Like, I was doing everything right. And it kind of forces this, like, this moment of just, like, this just doesn't make sense. Like, how can this be possible? And, like, are we sure? You know? Like, is this just, like, one big misunderstanding? Like, do we need to run the tests again? I don't know. You sort of switch into the survival mode really fast, or at least I did. PTSD is very real. Like, I barely remember a lot of my treatment.
Mallory Contois:
I barely remember a lot of, like, the 6 to 8 month process when I was going through it. But, yeah, it was just my mental health was I actually don't know if I would say it was bad. Like, I think it - I am in awe of how my brain was able to take care of me during the process. Like, it really shut down in a way that I can look back and recognize as very protective. I sort of just woke up every day and, like, did my routine and went through the motions. And, like, I kind of became a hermit a little bit. Like, I talked to my parents, and I talked to my, like, best friends. But besides that, I really wasn't talking to anybody.
Mallory Contois:
I just was, like, absolutely crushing TV and sleeping, like, 18 hours a day to get through it. And so it's really hard to sort of categorize your mental health during that sort of time because it's so, like, it's apples to oranges. Like, I can't even tell you use any sort of baseline against it because it just feels like I was dropped on an island to, like, survive for 8 months. And, like, obviously, my mental health was, I guess, bad. But, also, looking back, it feels very healthy and how my mentality and, like, my kind of survival instincts kicked in.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. That makes perfect sense that your brain was like, we don't know what's going on. Not even just from, like, mentally knowing that the situation is different, But then, also, physically, you're going through treatment that is attacking your body. And so your brain's like, yeah. We just gotta get through it. And I'm almost thinking of, like, the hierarchy of needs. It's like you're just focusing at the bottom of, like, how can we survive?
Mallory Contois:
Eat, sleep, drink, survive, get through the next day, get your white cell count up high enough to do the next round of chemo. Like, it really was that simple. There wasn't a lot otherwise. I watched all of Weeds and all of Dexter. So, like, it was like, am I down for an hour of TV or 30 minutes of TV? I would pick one of those. And then, otherwise, I was sleeping or eating or walking laps. Like, that was really kind of it. My mental health became much worse actually after I finished treatment, I would say.
Mallory Contois:
And I talk about that a lot where not enough attention is paid to the year to two years after treatment for people that go through cancer because those are are were, at least for me, much harder than actually while I was in it.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. I'd love if you could share a little bit more about that. So your brain got you through this really intense time. And then, thankfully, you made it through. Obviously, you're still here talking. Tell me about the period after treatment.
Mallory Contois:
Yeah. So, I mean, the weirdest thing is your doctor is like, alright. You're, like, in remission. We don't really know what's gonna happen next. So just, like, go back to your life, and, like, we'll, you know, do your monthly check-ins and your quarterly check-ins, whatever. And those first two years, you're sort of, like, I'd gone from being this 25 year old girl who, like, beautiful, vibrant, smart, like, everything was going great to post-chemo, had barely gotten off the couch in almost a year, had gained a bunch of weight, was bald. And, like, all my relationships were weird after that. Like, navigating the world and, like, social situations after you've gone through cancer is so hard and weird because people feel so bad for you.
Mallory Contois:
And, also, you scare them. The idea that someone like me could get cancer was really scary for people, and I was, like, very aware of that. And so people were really uncomfortable talking to me about it, but I was so visibly sick. Right? Like, not having my hair looking super different that you couldn't ignore it. You couldn't be like, people couldn't be like, oh, like, how was your weekend? You know? Like, it just, like, doesn't work that way. And so reintegrating yourself into society after a year of, like, barely being able to go outside because you're worried about getting a bacterial infection is, like, so jarring, and there's so little understanding of how hard it is. And the other thing that happens is everyone who is paying attention to whether you were okay during treatment, people came out of the woodwork when I got diagnosed, you know, and were, like, texting and DMing me on Instagram. Well, like, people I hadn't talked to in years just to say, hey.
Mallory Contois:
Thinking of you, you know, that sort of thing, which was which was really nice. But as soon as you post the, like, I'm in remission, everyone disappears because they're like, okay. Cool. She's good. You know? And, like, I don't have to check-in on her anymore, which is a such a fine, reasonable thing. But from the patient's perspective, to have had all of this attention and worry and then to suddenly have all of that disappear while you're trying to sort of navigate the same familiar spaces in, like, a new body and, like, with a kinda messed up brain and, like, all that stuff is just it's a lot at once. So I really struggled for the first year or two after. I mean, it was a tough 4 or 5 years.
Mallory Contois:
I'm 8 years and 3 weeks now. I'm coming up on 8 years the first week in April. But the first five years were, like, really hard. It doesn't just get better right after, unfortunately.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. I appreciate you being willing to share that. And we're navigating some loss in my family right now. And some of what you're sharing makes me think of what can happen after funerals, where it's like, when the person dies, everyone's like, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. And then, like, they come for the funeral, and maybe they check for you for a month or two after that. But then, like, you have your Mother's Day or your Father's Day or their birthday or the anniversary of it and all of these things. And people may not remember that you're still being affected by that grief.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I'm wondering for you, you have the people kind of, like, celebrate with you and then be like, okay. Mallory's good. What do you wish people would have given you in terms of support in that period once you'd been declared to be in remission?
Mallory Contois:
I think just the casual check-in goes a really long way. Like, just the, hey. Like, how are you going? I can imagine it's it's hard, you know, like, going back to your job after all that. Or, like, hey. Do you need anything? Do you I think people were afraid to invite me to things or afraid to sort of, like, integrate me into things because they weren't sure what the status of my health was or, like, if I would want to do things or things like that. And I always wished they would just have asked. You know? And I do think that acknowledgment of, like, a traumatic event like an illness or like anything else isn't just, like, a singular point in time. You know? And just asking how you're doing and how you're feeling really does go a lot farther, I think, than people sometimes think it might.
Mallory Contois:
And I think people also worry about, like, dredging up. Like, oh, she probably wants me to just treat her like she's normal. And the reality is is, like, I wasn't normal. Like, I did not it was weird for somebody to treat me like I was normal when I was bald. Like, that felt weird to me. And, again, like, it's always hard sharing these things because I think every patient or every person who goes through an event like this, like, deals with it so differently and has different preferences. So, like, a lot of this is just what I preferred and, like, what I would have wanted. But, yeah, I think just remembering that this stuff goes on for, like it affects people for a long time.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
I think the core of what you mentioned is regardless of whether or not the person we're experiencing is being sick is similar to you or different than you, the important thing is just to acknowledge and to ask. And just to say, hey. This is a hard thing. Like, how are you doing? Would you wanna go out to this thing with me? Would you want me to stay in like, it seems so simple, but and I don't know if you meant to do this, Mallory, but you kinda gave us, like, a little alliteration situation with, like, acknowledging them, asking them, and not assuming, which I think it's really easy for us to, in any of these situations, to project what we would want in that. And, like, I would wanna be left alone, so they wanna be left alone. It's really simple to ask. It's a little scary as I wanna actually go back to something that you, like, just hinted at in the beginning of why it might have been hard for people to engage with you at that time. What do you think that your sickness was forcing them to confront?
Mallory Contois:
Yeah. I mean, mortality. Like, we're at that age, 25, where you feel the best. You know? Like, you're post college. You're starting to make money. You're not drinking every night anymore. Like, you're, like, an adult. You know? You feel like you have your shit together, and, like, no one is getting sick yet.
Mallory Contois:
You know? Like, everyone around you for the most part is doing great. You know? And so I think we don't think a lot about dying in our twenties most of the time, especially with those who are healthy. You know? Where we're like, cool. It's like, we're all doing what we're supposed to do, so everything will be fine. And it was really interesting. You know, I had really close friends who literally just disappeared on me during it. Not because and we've with all of them that it happened with, I've, like, we you know, we figured it out. We've talked about it because I'm never willing to lose a friendship over something that's so complicated and and so complex.
Mallory Contois:
But at the time, they just were so overwhelmed by seeing someone they cared about, that they saw themselves in, go through something without knowing how it would end. Like, I think the idea that I mean, I had a, like, 40% chance of survival. Like, I think so much of it was them protecting themselves too, which, like, you can't ever blame someone for. It's our genetics. It's it's, you know, how our brains work. It's what we're programmed to do. And so I do think that watching someone who like, I was always, like, the promising kid. You know? Like, I, like, was always in the gifted classes, and I was always, like, I don't know.
Mallory Contois:
I I did everything right. And so seeing somebody that did everything right get so fucked by the universe at that moment was, like, really, really hard for people. And, yeah, it created a lot of really complicated feelings, even with my parents and with people around me who you know, my family, like, for at the beginning, they were upset, obviously. And I would get upset with them for being upset because I'm like, I'm the one who's sick here. Like, don't you fucking make me feel bad for being sick? But it's so complicated. Like, now I look back and I've talked, you know, we've done a ton of therapy and all of that. But, like, they had every right to be upset. Their daughter was, like, maybe gonna die.
Mallory Contois:
You know? Like, it makes total sense. But from your perspective, it's really hard to make two and two equal four. You know?
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
That makes perfect sense. And as is the case in so many things, our response is a lot more about us than it is about the other person. And I think that's important for us to remember anyone who is supporting someone through illness or grief to really examine what's coming up for you and making sure you're not transferring that into your relationship with the other person. We're going through the story arc where you're at the top of your game. You have this low point where you're getting diagnosed. You thankfully make it through, eventually get into remission. And to bring us back towards today, I asked you on the show because I saw you post on LinkedIn, and you talked about how your experience with cancer has actually become one of your superpowers. And I'm so curious to hear why you think that is.
Mallory Contois:
Yeah. And it's funny, like, summarizing it in 30 seconds because it's such a lot. Like, there are so many the story arc isn't like this. It's like this, and then it's like this for, you know, just a few examples. Like, I was in a relationship when I went through chemo and cancer. We got engaged a year and a half after I finished chemo. I then called that wedding off a year later because the experience of having gone through cancer really impacted our relationship, and we, like, couldn't get through it. So then I was, like, single for the first time and, like, moving and changing jobs.
Mallory Contois:
And I was at a failed startup. And then I, like, you know, went back way down to this, like, super low point of not knowing, you know, what was gonna happen. And then I kind of, like, started to get my footing in my career again, and then eventually, I met my partner, my now fiance. Like, it goes up and down, but I do find that since having cancer and since going through chemo, my perspective is so much more balanced, and I have so much more context in, like, how to move through the world and how to, like, understand and empathize with other people that I think I've become an exceptional relationship builder with people and an exceptional helper to other people just because I'm, like, so much more in tune with the human experience. And the other thing is, like actually, there's two other things. Now I know I can get through, like, almost anything. Like, if I can do that, I can show up to this meeting or this workout that I don't wanna go. You know? Like, it's just nothing seems that bad anymore, and I think I'm very rarely sad or angry anymore.
Mallory Contois:
And, like, that sounds weird and maybe a little psychopathic, but, like, truly, as long as I'm able to get out of bed every day and, like, do my job and experience life and meet people, like, I'm very grateful for that. So I really think that that has given me a boost and on the day to day where I'm able to just be more productive and kind of show up in a certain way for people. And then the last one is I just don't give any fucks anymore. Like, I just am, like, so not worried about what people think of me. You know, losing your hair at 25 when you've had this, like, privilege your whole life really does something to how you move through the world where, like, I didn't have the energy to care about what men thought of me or, like, how I looked appearance wise or how that played into my identity. I was starting from a place of so much insecurity that I really had to work to, like, figure out who I was because it was all I had. Like, I didn't have my looks anymore. I didn't have, which, like, sounds I don't know.
Mallory Contois:
It sounds one way, but I think the actual experience of it was so empowering. To show up in a room and, like, when people would give me positive feedback, I knew for a fact that they were giving me positive feedback on my work or my words or my input, not because they thought I was hot and wanted to sleep with me, which is like a very real experience for women at work, where a lot of times, you know, you're like, is this person giving me positive recognition for, like, because I'm smart or because they're, like, hitting on me? You know? And I was pretty sure while I was bald, they weren't hitting on me. So, like, it was this feedback loop of, okay, the more I lean into, like, really understanding how I'm showing up and, like, optimizing that because it's all I have to survive now. I think now, I'm back to being comfortable with how I look, but, also, I have such a strong developed sense of self and confidence in my value as a human and as a brain that it's given me the courage to show up in a much more, like, forceful way than I used to, which as a woman in particular, I think has been a real superpower in my career and in really just navigating a very crowded space and standing out and all of those things.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Thank you for sharing all of that. And I'm sure people who are listening are like, what Mallory just described is totally what I want and how I would want to move through the world. But, obviously, they don't necessarily want to have cancer to get there. I'm wondering if you think it would have been possible to get to this point without your diagnosis and experience with cancer? And if so, like, how do you think you would have gotten here?
Mallory Contois:
It's always hard because when I'm giving this advice, it's like, okay. How do I give people advice that doesn't involve losing their hair? I think if I had had a mentor or a friend or someone I really looked up to that could say to me, it's totally possible to show up this way, and it's applauded, and your success will come from it. Really leaning into your individuality, and instead of trying to be normal, trying to be special or trying to be unique, I think I would have learned this lesson sooner. I kind of think this is one of those things and, like, this is where I get weird and meta. Like, I sort of feel like when I talk to older people, this is a natural arc that people go through in their life, and they sort of realize it in their, like, late forties to fifties that, like, nobody cares and no one's paying attention to you. And you can just move through the world, however feels authentic to you, and it's, like, totally fine. But it takes us, like, enough repetitions of, like, trying a little bit here, trying a little bit there, showing up a little more authentically over the course of 30 years to be like, oh, literally no one cares. So when I talk to, like, 50 and 60 year olds, they're like, yeah.
Mallory Contois:
You're so lucky you realized that earlier in life. And so I think a lot of what happened was just I had that force function of, like, confronting my own mortality and confronting the fact that, like, I don't know how long I'm gonna be here. My cancer could come back any day. Like, I might only have another week before I have to go start chemo again. I don't know. And that just forces a level of, like, fuck it. Not in the way that people think. Like, I don't wanna go skydiving.
Mallory Contois:
Like, that seems not interesting to me at all. But, like, I throw things out into the world at such a rapid pace at this point because I'm, like, I just want to, like, make things and create impact and meet people. And, like, if I'm gonna die in 5 years from now, which maybe I wanna have left something cool behind. And, like, in order to do that, you gotta start making cool things. You know? And so it really does sort of simplify it. And so coming back to your original question, I think the advice I give people is, like, just don't forget you don't know how much time you have. And it sounds really intense and, like, scary. And I always try to caveat it with, like, but don't be rash or weird.
Mallory Contois:
You know? But, like, keeping that in mind, I do think that's what has allowed me that basic truth. It's less about having been involved and having had all these interactions and all of that, but really the understanding of, like, you just don't know. You just don't know what's gonna happen. Really creates a sense of freedom slash urgency to just start figuring out what you wanna leave behind. So, yeah, I think it's really a very self-driven process, and I think it's something that people get to later in life. And you if you wanna get there earlier, you just have to be really deliberate about taking the chances on it and, like, putting yourself out there.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
There's so many good gems in there, and I hope people are taking note. And I even think of in my own life, this is something I've been working through for the past few months this year and, honestly, for more in my life. Like, I used to feel so bad that I'm just a very prolific person. Like, I just do a lot of things, build a lot of things, and have spent a lot of time feeling like I'm doing too much. And I am too much. And I need to make myself smaller. I need to not talk about this thing because they're gonna be confused how this thing that I'm doing over here relates to this business that I own over here. And whether it's from this conversation or other reflection I've been doing myself or other conversations I'm having with other people in my life, it's like, yeah.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Life is meant to be lived. And as trite as that can sound, like, when you really feel into that and ask yourself where you're holding back, sometimes it's the simplest things. Like, oh, I couldn't wear this outfit that I'm afraid some person would judge me for and the world didn't burn down, or I can make this ask that I'm afraid someone's gonna be annoyed at me asking a favor. And they'll say yes or they'll say no, and you'll still be here. Like, it's just incredible the little things that hold us back.
Mallory Contois:
Yeah. I don't know. I always encourage people to think about, like, when was the last time you felt that way about someone else? Like, did you see someone try something or take a chance and judge them for it? Probably not. You might have been like, oh, I'm not that interested in that thing, and I'm not gonna engage. But, like, then you moved on. Like, you we just don't have enough time to be thinking about everybody else. And so I think the idea of spotlight theory, like, no one is thinking about you, period, ever. Like, except for when you put yourself in front of them.
Mallory Contois:
And at that point, the most likely thing is, like, good for them for trying something. Like, I think genuinely people have so much respect for other humans who put themselves out there and just try things. And that's, like, the worst case scenario is that they're like, wow, that's cool that that person's doing that thing. Not really relevant to me. I'm gonna move on. But, like, good for them. You know? And, I just think swapping those seats where you can think about, like, when's the last time you saw somebody wearing something that you thought was ugly and, like, thought about it ever again? You know, like, maybe you thought about it for 5 minutes, but then you just moved on. And, like, that's what happens.
Mallory Contois:
And so, like, the end of the day, you're the one going to bed with yourself. You're the one, like, that is in that outfit all day and, like, feels amazing. You have to move through the world the way that you wanna move through it. But, yeah, it's a it's harder than it. I know I, like, I say it. I'm like, oh, simply move through the world the way you want to. Like, it's so complicated. And I totally understand that.
Mallory Contois:
And there's so much trauma, and there's so much patriarchy, and there's so much so much period that, like, makes it so hard. But I really encourage a little bit of, like, fuck it energy. Like, just give it a try and you it'll probably be fine is, like, my kind of underlying advice.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
And it's great advice. And people who listen to the show have heard me say this multiple times at this point. But one of the questions that we ask a lot at Inner Workout that I ask a lot is, is it the self or the system? And a lot of times, there's elements of both. So I can both acknowledge that I am impacted by white supremacy and patriarchy in these different systems and see where there are the places where I'm not raising my hand or I'm selling myself short or I'm limiting myself before the system can limit me. So it's not like an either or. It's a both and. And I'm constantly mindful of myself that I'm not using systemic realities to not allow me to live in my fullness. And it's a dance we play.
Mallory Contois:
Yeah. It's very easy to use it as a crutch or an excuse too. Well, like again, we're always looking to blame. I think just naturally, we always try to blame something for, like, when we're unhappy or when we are inconvenienced or when something is hard. And systems are easy to blame. You know? And so there are, there is always that element of the system, but I do really believe that, like, you can also show up in different ways within the system. And sometimes you do have to push those boundaries a little bit to realize you can push them. You know?
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Yeah. It's like you think something is a wall. And maybe it is a wall, but it's a wall made out of marshmallow fluff. And, like, if you just pushed a little bit, you could walk through. Well, thank you so much for what you shared. I there are some really good things for us to be thinking of as people who might be supporting someone through illness and just, like, how we can better show up. And there's also a lot that we can be applying for how we're living our lives day to day and being really appreciative of the life that we've built. You've mentioned that, like, because you have this time on this Earth, you're here to use it and build cool things and build relationships.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
So if people have listened to this episode and felt inspired and wanna stay connected to you and the work that you're doing in the world, where can they find you?
Mallory Contois:
Right now, LinkedIn is probably the best way. I share most of what I'm up to there between my day job. I run a community as well for women that are in sort of the second halves of their careers in male dominated fields. But I kind of mash all that together in, like, how I how I talk on LinkedIn and what I share. If people are listening who are women in the second half of their careers in in male dominated fields, I would love to have them apply to join the community I run as well. It's called the Old Girls Club, and the website's jointheogc.com. It's a really beautiful corner of the Internet that I'm very proud of. So yeah.
Mallory Contois:
And if there are any founders listening, I lead community at Mercury, and I do a lot of founder support stuff. So hit me up about that.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Awesome. Well, Mallory, thank you so much for being on the show.
Mallory Contois:
Oh my god. Of course. Thank you for having me. This is great.
Taylor Elyse Morrison:
Inner Warmup is a collaborative effort. It's hosted by me, Taylor Elyse Morrison, Danielle Spaulding provides production support, and it's edited by Carolina Duque. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. And if you're looking to continue your inner work, our free Take Care assessment is a great place to start. On that note, take care.
