In today’s episode, Taylor is joined by Oludara Adeeyo, a mental health therapist and author. Oludara imparts a wealth of valuable insights on the art of delicately setting boundaries and confidently advocating for oneself within a multitude of relationships.
Mentioned In The Episode:
Meet Today's Guest:
Oludara Adeeyo is a mental health therapist and author of Self-Care for Black Women and Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal. She is passionate about helping people, especially Black women, improve their overall wellness. Before becoming a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Oludara worked as a writer and editor. She has been an associate web editor at Cosmopolitan and the managing editor at XXL. Oludara lives in Los Angeles, California.
Connect with Oludara Adeeyo :
Taylor Morrison
You're listening to Inner Warmup where your inner work begins. I'm Taylor Elyse Morrison, creator and author of Inner Workout. And you as always are our expert guest. Thanks for being here today. I'll introduce today's topic momentarily. But first, you've heard me talking throughout this season about the companion resource that we created for you The Strong Friend's Inner Workbook. This workbook expands on the three archetypes that we've been exploring: the picture perfect strong friend, the intellectual strong friend and the caregiver strong friend. It has over 40 reflection questions to help you explore your strong friend tendencies, focus your inner work, and identify where you might need some relational support. And you can get all this for just $4.99. So you can find it at the link in the Show Notes or by going to Bitly slash strong friends, that's b i t dot l y slash strong friends plural.
Today on the show, we have a guest that I am so excited about. Oludara Adeeyo. She's a mental health therapist and the author of two books, Self-Care for Black Women and Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal. She's passionate about helping people, especially black women, improve their overall wellness. And one thing I love about Oludara is that she has a winding career path. I love a winding career path. Before she became a licensed clinical social worker, she worked as a writer and editor. She has been the associate web editor at Cosmopolitan and the managing editor at XXL, and she joined us from her home in LA.
In today's conversation, we're talking about a skill that everyone can stand to build, but especially recovering strong friends, which is advocating for yourself and setting boundaries. And what I appreciated about this conversation is that even though it was our first time talking, I felt like I was talking to a friend. Dara shared her wisdom as a mental health practitioner. But also, she was willing to share her story, which I always appreciate. And there were a couple of moments where I was like, Oh, this is the reframe that I needed. You can hear me at one point in the episode have that reframe in real time. And as always, I hope that there are some aha moments, some potential reframes that come from this conversation for you. So without further ado, let's get into the episode.
Yay. I am so excited for this conversation. I can already tell it's going to be a really good one. Oludara. Welcome. Thanks for being here.
Oludara Adeeyo
Thank you for having me.
Taylor Morrison
So we'll get right into it. This whole season is all about the idea of the strong friend, this person who's like, always projecting strength, and they think that it's going to help them stay connected. But really, it's often creating this barrier between themselves and others. So before we talk about boundaries, and advocating for yourself and all that good stuff, I want to hear about your relationship to being a strong friend. Do you consider yourself to be a strong friend or recovering strong friend? And if so, what does that journey look like for you?
Oludara Adeeyo
So I definitely don't consider myself to be a strong friend. Actually, I take that back. I consider myself to be a strong friend with many other strong friends. And I think for a very long time, I thought that I was a strong friend, and I had to be there for everyone. And no one was really there for me. And it took some like working, some of my own inner healing to realize that like, it wasn't that I had to be the strong friend, it was that I was making myself the strong friend. And I wasn't relying on my circle of friends. And I wasn't trusting my circle of friends to be strong enough to handle life stuff. Because, you know, I definitely have been burned by people. And we all we all go through that like where we just like, feel like we've been burned by people. And we're like, okay, we can't really trust people. But I definitely, you know, little things happened in my life where I was like, Okay, I really need to lean on my friends and my friends like, showed up. And so I had to start believing that like, I need to trust that I have friends who got my back. And so now yeah, I'm definitely you know, I feel like I am a strong friend, meaning that I will be there for my friends, I got their back, you know, I'm ready to pull up, whatever we need to do. And I trust that they are exactly the same.
Taylor Morrison
I love that and that piece that you were saying too, about, like sometimes it takes building trust, like I totally I'm familiar with that narrative and other guests have talked about that narrative too, of like, thinking that people aren't going to show up for you. But then you like tip toe and you ask for something, and they help. And you're like, oh, I can ask again. Yes, I am supported.
Oludara Adeeyo
Mm hmm. Yes. It's such a lie we tell ourselves. I mean, there are many things like, I think a lot of us experience things with, like caregivers growing up who weren't as supportive, and just different things. And then yeah, you really do build up that narrative, like you said, that you're just like, it's always gotta be me, and then double it, I'm a black woman. Like, that's the narrative, I've been told because my surroundings back that up anytime I'm in certain spaces that aren't safe for black women, whether it's work, school, whatever, you know, you definitely just build up that barrier. And that like, idea that like, I've got to do it myself, because no one else is going to do it for me. So you, then you carry that into your intimate relationships. And yeah, it damages you and your relationships.
Taylor Morrison
Yeah, I want to lean into something that you just mentioned about the reality that many of us people who are listening like are sometimes in spaces where it isn't safe, either, because they're a black woman or some other part of their identity. And that's actually part of why I was interested in speaking to you Dara is because I've seen you like from afar do this for yourself, advocate for yourself, especially at work. And it's like, yes, you have experience as a mental health practitioner, but you've also lived it.
Oludara Adeeyo
Yeah
Taylor Morrison
I know. Well, I'll pause there. What were you going to say to that?
Oludara Adeeyo
I'll say, Yeah, I was gonna agree. Yes, I've definitely been in I mean, even now in like, corporate America, because I work, you know, at clinics or with companies. It's like, yeah, when you are like one of few black women, or even, if you're not one of a few, like, there's just something about corporate America that operates with so much white supremacy, and so much structure that is like meant to diminish the other. And also just as a black woman in these spaces, it's just like, so much is expected of me, but then such a little support is provided to me, and it can weigh on you.
Taylor Morrison
I felt that and when you did that big like ugh, it was like not just a sigh for you. It was like a sigh for all of us, because I absolutely resonate with that. And something that's interesting, even though we can be aware of that dynamic, I know that I've experienced and I wonder if people listening too have experience where we know that there's dynamics that are a little off. But we're afraid to set boundaries, or we're afraid to speak up for ourselves, because we're like, it's going to blow up in my face, it's gonna ruin the relationship. So I kind of want to like, look at the other side of things, what can happen in our relationships, when we aren't willing to advocate for ourselves?
Oludara Adeeyo
When we aren't like, we don't advocate for ourselves?
Taylor Morrison
Yeah, like if we, if we continue in that space of like, not advocating just being quiet, just sitting there and taking it, like we play that tape out what could happen to us?
Oludara Adeeyo
So many things like internally, your self confidence depleted. You also don't build authentic relationships, like you build relationships that don't honor who you are, and or who you want to grow to be. When we don't advocate for ourselves, we form friendships and relationships that aren't authentic to ourselves. They aren't supportive. And so then we end up with even more trauma from just like, relationships that aren't we weren't meant to be in. And I'm not just speaking romantic, friendship, work, whatever. And you're just not honoring your like inner intuition. So you begin to trust yourself less and you trust others. And I think it could just really lead to just like, poor mental health, it can lead to just a poor overall life experience, because you're just really denying yourself of just the authenticity that you can have in this life if you're not, you know, advocating for yourself.
Taylor Morrison
Thank you for laying that out for us because I think it's really common and easy for us to get in our heads and be like, well, if I speak up, then it's going to ruin everything and kind of catastrophize around that. But we don't often sit and think okay, well if I keep things the way that they are, here's what can happen and I don't know about you, but I'm like, I don't want to be creating inauthentic relationships. I don't want to be not able to trust myself. So then that means that like, I'm probably going to have to set boundaries, I'm probably going to have to speak up. I'm wondering, what are some signs that it might be time to set a boundary in our lives?
Oludara Adeeyo
Oh, that's a good one. Some signs that you need to set boundaries, I definitely feel like it's if your health is taking a hit, whether it's your mental, physical or spiritual health. I definitely feel like you need to take a take a temperature of yourself like, okay, you know, am I not acting like myself? Am I making decisions that are aren't in my benefit. Also, if you're just exhausted, and I feel like you need to be honest with yourself about that, like, you got to be aware of it. Because I feel like sometimes people, we can just like push ourselves to the limit. And you know, everything I think about I think in like black women, because that's, there's the people I like speak to and I, you know, identify with, but it's like sometimes, as black women, we can definitely push our self to the limit and feel like okay, well, we're good at compartmentalizing, right? because that's kind of what we have to do in our life, we have to like mask, and compartmentalize things just because of the things we deal with. Even if you're not black, like just all the different identities you have that are marginalized. Sometimes you live in a world where you have to accept that yeah, I'm gonna be mistreated because of my identity. But I'm not gonna let it impact me too much like, you know, I may encounter a microaggression, I may encounter something hurtful, but it's not going to be the end all be all, and it's not going to define my life. But yeah, you sometimes don't even realize that you need to create boundaries. So I feel like yeah, if you're, the first thing to go is your mental health is like your hygiene is your sleeping pattern, your eating pattern, how you show up at work, whether you're still performing well or not. If you're isolating, you know, sometimes. So like, those are symptoms for me, as a mental health practitioner, those are symptoms for me of like, there's something going on, mentally. So I feel like yeah, if you feel depleted, time to make a boundary. And it's easier said than done.
Taylor Morrison
As are so many things when we're talking about like caring for ourselves and inner work. And you said something interesting there too, that like, sometimes we don't know that we need that boundary, I'm wondering if it would be useful to just kind of like, do an audit, and almost proactively be like, Okay, what are the ways that I'm relating to people? What are the ways that people have access to me or are communicating with me or these different places? Is there a way I can tighten that up a little bit? Or is there a way I can clarify the expectation before it gets to the place where your mental health is failing, where you're not able to sleep and all of these other things, which is, again, easier said than done, because I was talking with someone last night, and she's a social worker. And she was saying, like, so many times, she works with people who are in crisis, because, again, especially for black woman, if it's like, okay, I can muscle through it, I can handle it. And then all of a sudden, you can't handle it. So it's hard to like, flip that switch and be like, let me do something about it now, before it's a crisis.
Oludara Adeeyo
Yeah, absolutely. And that's, like, you know, you know, that's my thing with self care. It's like that's at like the core of it. It's like taking care of yourself before you get to a crisis mode. And I feel like that's also part of like, your wellness journey in general. It's like kind of getting to know yourself. And it's so important to realize, what are your indicators of like, I'm not doing well, like I have some of them. I know, when I'm eating a little bit too much sweets, or too many candies or ordering uber eats a little bit too much, you know, like, it's like, I have my certain indicators that I'm like, Okay, what is going on? Like, what do I need to rest? Is it my mind, is it my spirit? Is it you know, my physical health, like, what, what do I need to rest, is it my interaction with people? So like, you know, like, the month of May I took like, a break from social media. And so for me, it's like, I took a break from creating content. And I'm like, I'm like still on social media. And I like scroll and whatnot. But the point was, for me, it was like, I was just so tired of thinking what I could create, and what I could put out, because as you know, as like content creator as just a creative person in general, like, it can take an emotional toll on you. So like for me it was putting up that boundary of like, I'm not really talking to y'all right now in the month of May. And that's that. So yeah, but I had to know that, like, I had to be aware of that. And another way is also like having really good friends. Sometimes your friends will straight up tell you like you're bugging, like you're acting not like yourself, go sit down, like, you know, they'll be like, get off the internet or, you know, go take a walk, like, sometimes you really need those friendships in your life, and those relationships to tell you like, Hey, you're not being yourself, what's going on here? What do you need to do?
Taylor Morrison
I recently had that with a friend where we love sending voice notes to each other. And I had to be like, I just want to reflect back to you that like for the last several voice notes, you've talked about how you're feeling overwhelmed, you're feeling underwater, etc. And like, sometimes it it seems like, oh, that that was one day that was bla bla bla bla. But when a friend can be like, Oh, no, there's there's actually a trend here. What support do you need? How can I be there for you in that? And I've had friends do the same to me like, Hey, do you realize that there's this pattern every time you interact with this person, you're complaining or every time something else is going on? And so I love that. And again, it goes back to like this idea of meeting each other and meeting community because we all have blind spots. We can't see everything.
Oludara Adeeyo
That is so true. I remember when I worked in journalism, I mean, I still do now. But when I was a magazine editor, I like hated it. This was right before I left and decided to go get my master's in social work. I was miserable. Oh my god, I was so miserable. But like I couldn't admit it to myself. Because I was a managing editor at a really well known Hip Hop magazine. Like, why would you not like your job? You know, you're interacting with celebrities all the time, like you do really cool stuff. But I was just like, so over it. I was overworked. And a friend literally. Well, we're not friends anymore. But like someone I was friends with at the time, she was like, I mean, you just sound like you're depressed. So what are you gonna do about it? And I think it was in that moment that I was actually like, Oh, wow, okay, something actually has to change here. And, you know, it's the job. And quickly I like just like, left, resigned. And it, you know, gave everyone whiplash when I did it. But like, yeah, sometimes you really need people to reflect back to you, this is what's going on, you need to like, sit down and see what's going on in your life. And let's try to make different moves, so you can feel better.
Taylor Morrison
And I think that's important. But it's not like we're like out here calling out calling in friends just to be like, Hey, you don't have it together? No, it's because we want you to feel better. So, for those of us who are used to being there, for everyone else, used to saying yes to every request, whether that's at work or at home in our personal lives, the idea of like, considering our needs, and then also communicating our needs. That's kind of intimidating. So what would you recommend for people who are like, I probably need to do this, but I don't know where to start.
Oludara Adeeyo
Yeah, I say start small and start safe. And what I mean by that is start with something small such as speaking up about what you want to get at the store. And start smart, start safe with like a friend you trust someone you trust, someone who's like not going to gaslight you or make you feel bad for speaking up for your needs. So I feel like that, you know, doing that will help you to build up the courage to keep doing it. And if you start small you can make you can do like the bigger decisions later on. But I always say start little, start safe. Yeah. smart and safe.
Taylor Morrison
I really like that. Sometimes people can get and I can speak from the I. Sometimes I can be like, I need to set boundaries. I need to do it in this big, flashy way. And like we can overwhelm ourselves or psych ourselves out and never do it, never end up communicating because we're trying to do like a big conversation with our boss and I love how you were like maybe you just need to speak up about what you want at the store first, build that muscle a little bit before you talk to your boss.
Oludara Adeeyo
Yeah, speak up about your plans with your friends or someone you know, that you're, you're afraid to, to, like say it. A lot of times, we're more so afraid of people's emotions, then we are of like, just saying our needs. Because it's like we know our needs, but we're afraid to say because we don't know how the other person's going to react. So that builds up a lot of anxiety, because we're afraid we're gonna get rejected. But if you start with people who you know love you and want the best for you, and you know, literally support anything you do, like, you'll be surprised, they'll literally just say, okay, I can do, I can give you what you need, you know, whatever it is emotionally or physically, so.
Taylor Morrison
And on the other side of the coin, I was, in a workshop last night, the topic of boundaries came up, because I feel like it comes up a lot, especially it was a group of black women. And something that was surfaced is, because there's all this talk about boundaries, some people have more or less, maybe emotional intelligence in communicating those boundaries. And it can be a lot, it can be like a disregulating, it can be kind of confronting, to be on the receiving end of someone else's boundaries. And even sometimes, like, it could be a situation where someone isn't communicating them well, and it is literally harmful. But sometimes I know for me, it can be the most like benign request. And all of a sudden, I'm in my head, and I'm like, I did something bad, they had to set this boundary because I was doing something wrong. So do you have any tips for like navigating that dynamic of receiving someone else's boundaries?
Oludara Adeeyo
That's a good one. I think in life, we have to remember that often things aren't about you, like someone isn't setting up a boundary because of you or you're not doing something because of someone else. I think what I'm trying to say here is that like, get over yourself. But I don't want to sound mean, right? Like, it's like, I absolutely understand like when someone because now I'm trying to think of an example. What's an example of this, if you meet someone, and they set a boundary? Because I guess what's coming to my mind now is like the difference between boundaries and rules. And the difference between boundaries and rules, it's like a rule is something that someone is asking you to do. Whereas a boundary is something that you do. So that is something that someone does for themselves. So when you're on the receiving end of someone, maybe like not answering their phone after 9pm, and like you text them and you maybe they didn't communicate that they don't answer phone calls after nine, it can feel like oh, well, maybe they just don't want to talk to me, right? You start creating all these narratives about them in your head. But I guess what I'm trying to get at is that often we we can't assume, we just can't assume we can't assume. And it's always better to like ask questions, like just to ask for clarification, and not assume that someone is doing something specifically to like, spite you to be rude to you. Because we all have our own things going on in our minds and lives. So I think like when you're met with that, it's often better to meet it with curiosity versus assuming it's an attack. Does that makes sense?
Taylor Morrison
That makes perfect sense. I love that. Meet it with curiosity, instead of assuming it's an attack, because that's where my mind goes is like, and my husband, I'm looking up because he's in the other room. He never listens. I'm so nosy. Like, if he's on a meeting, I'm like, What's he talking about? If I'm on a meeting, he's like, You were on the meeting? I have no idea what you were saying. But he'll sometimes be like, do you notice that you're being really defensive about that? Or do you notice that like, you took that super personally, and I was just stating like, my experience, and you took it as me attacking you. And it's been really, I mean, I've been with my husband for a long time at this point. But it's, I really appreciate him surfacing that because it is this reminder that like, he is just communicating or he is just living his life. And he's not doing it as a commentary on how I'm living his life. He's just communicating the way that he lives. And so it's been good for me to realize, oh, yeah, I can be curious. Why are you doing that? Why did you switch your bedtime? Or why did you make this new routine? Instead of what I want to do is assume it's because like, I'm making too much noise, so he has to avoid me or something like that. The other thing that I wanted to lean into that you said is the difference between rules and boundaries. And I think that might be useful for people to hear. Because I wonder if some of what is happening is people are creating rules that they're expecting other people to follow and calling it a boundary.
Oludara Adeeyo
Yeah. So I'm not the expert on that differentiation, because I heard it from Dr. Raquel Martin on social media. I don't know if you follow her on Instagram or TikTok. She's absolutely amazing. She's a black psychologist. So and she's also like a professor and a scientist. So she's absolutely amazing. But she often brings up like, the differentiation between boundaries and rule, right? So a rule is like, don't call me after nine, versus the boundary is I don't answer phone calls after nine o'clock. So but yeah, you're right. I feel like sometimes what we're doing a lot of is like setting these rules and being like, You're violating my boundary, when really you gave someone a rule that they can break, like, rules can be broken, change, whereas, so can boundaries as well. But like boundaries are usually like set for you. So yeah, I do think that maybe that might might be what's happening in society where we feel like when people set boundaries with ourselves, maybe we think they're making a rule. So we're like, Oh, no, you can't tell me what to do. But yeah, it's a delicate dance. Yeah. But I think a lot of it needs us to like, not take it personal, like, not take it personal when people set these boundaries, because they're just living their lives.
Taylor Morrison
Yeah, they're just living their lives and like, not trying to personally attack me, Taylor, by the way that they're living their life. And I really like this distinction between rules and boundaries, even in that it's just like, it puts it into something that I can control. And this is me kind of formulating this in real time so my mind may change by the time this actually comes out. But thinking about like, I just always like to say that, like our minds change, you know
Oludara Adeeyo
Yeah they do
Taylor Morrison
But thinking about how, when I put it with something that I have control and influence on, I can choose whether or not I answer the phone at 9pm, versus making this rule or calling it a boundary, but it really is a rule, and then being constantly upset at other people.
Oludara Adeeyo
Exactly.
Taylor Morrison
And it doesn't mean that I can't communicate, like, hey, just so you know, like, you can call after 9pm, my phone's just going to be on Do Not Disturb so I won't see it. It feels more like I have more control, like I have more power in the situation. And I still think that there's room for us to get better at communicating and having those conversations, whether it's a boundary or rule, but I do like something about like, creating that container for myself that I can check in on.
Oludara Adeeyo
Absolutely, absolutely. And you can like, you know, if you have, I think the best example I can think of is like with family, because you know, family gets on your nerves. It's like thinking about that family member, that parent that annoys you. And you instead of being like, Ah, my mom has terrible boundaries, or my mom doesn't respect my boundaries. It's like, okay, well, when did you express your boundaries to your mom? And also, is this a rule? Like, did you tell your mom that like, you don't want to come over on Sundays like Sunday's are for you? Like, you know, like, have you vocalized that? So I do think it's very helpful, because like what you said about, like, constantly getting annoyed and upset at people violating your boundaries, but really, they may just be violating a rule that you've set that they're not even aware of. So, yeah
Taylor Morrison
Yeah and it's, it's like, it's so hard to communicate. That's why I liked when you're talking about, like, try something small, try something with someone who's safe and just getting used to that communication. Because I know for me, like, there will be times where I'm like, trying to send an email, where I'm expressing a need, and the person will respond and be like, Oh, yeah, that's great. And meanwhile, it took me like 45 minutes to write the email because I'm like, they're gonna hate me, they're gonna not but I've had to like, I cannot expect anyone to know something, to have an expectation if I don't communicate that expectation to them.
Oludara Adeeyo
Yes, it's like, like with my book process, which I know you're writing a book as well, or you wrote your book already right?
Taylor Morrison
I wrote my book yeah
Oludara Adeeyo
I remember with my second book, you know, I got like the art back and I didn't like it. I didn't like the colors. I was like, I was instantly like, "What the eff is this, why would they choose this colors? This is so ugly, this is borderline this, like this is seems..", I was just like, so upset about it. And I was talking to my friends about it. And they're like, Okay, so why don't you just request what you actually want? And I'm like, Yes, I can do that. Oh, right, I can do that. And I requested, you know, I gave some, some edits and like some art direction. And obviously they were like, Okay! It's like with everything with my book process, if I like didn't like something, I you know, first I would spiral about it at first. Now, I'm way better. Now I just look at the stuff and I give my feedback. In the beginning, I would be like, Oh my God, how do I say this, like, in a way, so they don't think I'm like meand and every time I like would like say I don't like the way this flower looks, I don't like the way this wording is, oh, no, this has a different context, and they would always just be like, Okay, like my mind would be blown because I'd be like, What do you mean like, it's okay, that I'm requesting these things? Just because I wasn't used to it in the workspace before. And so that taught me that like, yeah, like you can ask for your needs and if someone says no, or something, like you can work through that as well. Because I feel like sometimes we fear being told no. And fear that we won't be able to handle the emotions that come with that. So.
Taylor Morrison
And that gets back to the kind of like the building up of trust, like, when you start to do it, you realize, oh, it is possible for a request to be honored. And that can be especially hard. Like you just said, You hadn't necessarily experienced that in a work context before. So it makes sense that that wouldn't, I feel like this whole anecdote, like just drove home so many things that you shared, because like, it makes sense that you wouldn't have had the perspective Oh, I can just make this request. Because that wasn't what you experienced before. But then you had friends, going back to again, what you shared earlier, who were willing to see that blind spot and say, Hey, have you thought of this possibility of making the request? And then you make the request and you're like, Oh, this is possible, look at that. You just tied everything up with a beautiful bow. I do have one more question for you, though. We're asking every guest the same question at the end of our conversations. So if you could offer one piece of advice to strong friends or recovering strong friends, those people who still feel like, I can't ask for help, I gotta do everything on my own. What would that one piece of advice be?
Oludara Adeeyo
Hmm, I have so many things in my mind. One you don't, you don't have to do everything alone. And that is a lie that you're telling yourself to make yourself feel better after facing so many disappointments, whether it be through all types of relationships that made you feel betrayed abandoned and whatever. And it's like you don't have to do everything alone. Like that is completely false. That is a false belief. You have people in your life that want to support you and help you and you just need to find them and tap into them and give them a chance to show up for you.
Taylor Morrison
I love that reminder. I need that reminder regularly. This has just been such a delightful conversation. This is like the first time we're talking in real time and I feel like I know you. If other people, I know as we're recording this, you're on a break, a content creation break,a much deserved break. But how can people stay in touch with you?
Oludara Adeeyo
Um, yes, follow me on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, at oludaraadeeyo, o l u d a r a a d e e y o on all platforms. I'm mainly active on TikTok, because it's a fun platform. And it's just, get to be silly on there. But yeah, that's where you can find me. And you can find me in your bookstores as well, Self-Care for Black Women and Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal, as well. Amazon local bookstore, Barnes and Nobles, wherever.
Taylor Morrison
Yay, thank you so much for being here. And just all the wisdom that you shared and we'll make sure all of that is linked in the Show Notes.
Oludara Adeeyo
Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. you for having me and creating this space.
Taylor Morrison
So what did you think? I for am going to be considering who I can start safe and small with in communicating my needs, and also how I can make sure that I'm creating boundaries that I can control rather than just rules. I'd love to hear what came up for you in this episode, feel free to send us an email or a DM on Instagram. And if you loved this episode, please tell someone about it. Word of mouth is how podcasts are able to grow. And if you're feeling extra generous, review the podcast on Apple podcast. Yes, even if you don't listen on Apple podcasts, having those reviews allows us to keep getting amazing guests and to show them how much you love listening to the show. Before we close it out, I'll leave you with a friendly reminder that if you want to go deeper in work around being a strong friend, make sure you grab The Strong Friend's Inner Workbook. It's only $4.99 And I know you'll get so much value out of it. You can find it out the link in the Show Notes. Thank you so much for listening and thank you as always for your time and your expertise. Take care.